Not 100% {Mordred}

[Leela Dy Cazaril]

She's holding a tray of cupcakes she'd bought for them. She couldn't cook, she'd tried once and failed miserable, but store bought were just as good. She was nervous, wrapped in jumpers, already the cold was settling on her lungs, and her nose was red from the cold. Her father had said that going to a new place, meeting new people, she'd probably get a cold but she wished her immune system was better at combating it.

She stood on the doorstep, just like the last time she came to visit. She could see the breath on her lips as she moved forward and knocked on the door. 

The last time she had stood here. She had knocked for about half an hour, and there was no answer. He might not have even been here but she hadn't been sure. 

She was hoping her brother would keep his word -- and answer the door. 

"Please...please answer." She whispered as she knocked a second time.

[Mordred Le Fey]

He had been there the last time she knocked. He knew it was her, he knew she just wanted to know what was going on, check on him, and that she deserved an explanation, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to open the door. Aiden had been out at God knew where, and so he had stayed in his room, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, praying she would give up and go. And when she finally did, he had felt a sense of loss that he couldn't explain.

This time, though, he would open the door when she knocked. How could he not after those messages? And there were clearly some messed-up rumours flying around the school, which was to be expected, especially when he hadn't left the house since the duel, hadn't shown his face or done anything to quell them.

Although, he thought as he looked in the mirror, waiting for the knock on the door, showing his face probably wasn't a good thing right now. The cut on his cheek was inflamed and weeping with infected pus, and he winced as he tenderly touched the skin around it which felt bruised and painful. Just below it, along his jawline, the bruise from where Tristian had punched him was various shades of yellow and green, and his hand was still bandaged from the combination of cuts from the broken glass and the punch he'd thrown at the brick wall in the alley. His eyes were bloodshot and he had dark circles underneath them, having barely slept since he'd taken the overdose a few days before. He hadn't eaten in a couple of days, but had been drinking solidly; his eyes were slow to focus and he staggered as he walked, one hand against the wall to steady himself. He smelled of stale alcohol and cigarette smoke, a smell he'd become unaware of now, and his hands shook.

He jumped when he heard the knock on the door, despite expecting it. He had been waiting in the kitchen and he quickly grabbed a bottle of whiskey, unscrewing it and taking a couple of mouthfuls before replacing it and heading to the door.

He opened it slowly, looking through a crack before opening it fully to let his sister in. He couldn't face anyone else at the moment, and he braced himself for her reaction as he stood aside to let her in.

"Hey, Leela."

[Leela Dy Cazaril]

"Oh, Mordred..."

She had expected, after what was written in the text messages for a very sorry brother, she had expected more bruises. She hadn't expected this. It was a level of neglect that just hurt to look at. The cheek, the bruises still healing. She could smell him too, the alcohol and the cigarettes.

Her brother was a mess. Her older brother, her champion who had only ever been good to her, even if he wasn't so good to everyone else, looked like he had just given up. Guilt began to fester in her chest, that she could ever had thought he would hurt anyone on purpose, when this is what had happened to him.

He's so wrong, he is more like Dad, we both are.

Leela puts the baked goods on the step, and just can't stop herself, tears pooling in her eyes she rushed towards him to hold him in a tight embrace, smell be damned.

"Oh Mordred I'm so sorry I was so mean I---"

[Mordred Le Fey]

He stiffened as she hugged him, unsure how to react. She was supposed to be mad, she was supposed to be upset with him, hurt at his hiding away, keeping her in the dark. Instead, she was hugging him, apologising -

"You have nothing to apologise for." He said sharply, briefly hugging her back before stepping back out of her reach, standing aside to let her come in.

He couldn't get used to the compassion he was being shown, the sympathy. First from Aiden, now from his sister. He didn't deserve it from either of them - he had dragged Aiden into his drama, probably traumatising her for life in the process, and now his sister was being dragged in too, despite his efforts to keep her in the dark. Or had he just been doing that for selfish reasons? He didn't know anymore.

"So what are the rumours then?"

[Leela Dy Cazaril]

"I...okay" Leela sniffs, his own harsh replies making it difficult to start to try and explain, but she wipes her eyes with the corner of her jumper sleeve, looking tired, looking worried.

"You look...your face is really infected Mordred, let me look at it please?"

She was young, but thanks to being sick so often she knew a thing or two about treating illness, and as her immune system was very bad, her wounds always took longer to heal, and she knew a thing or two about infections.

"There need to be washed and covered, Mordred..."

And then she pointed to the bake goods, looking a bit more cheerful, "I also brought cake, but you know. That's for later oh, and as for the rumours, they told me you were a bat, and evil, and like stabbing little girls. There are some nasty people around here..."

[Mordred Le Fey]

He moved away from the door, over to the sofa and collapsing on it, feeling tired and woozy. He managed to make it over without stumbling though, and he hoped he'd be able to hide from Leela just how much he'd been drinking, and the constant drunken haze he'd been living under for the last few days.

He almost groaned aloud when she mentioned his face. He'd already ignored comments from Aiden about it, and he still couldn't bring himself to care. He knew he should have cleaned it and dressed it when it happened, but at that point it was the last thing he cared about - considering he had tried to overdose the gash on his face hadn't really seemed all the important. He knew it would scar, that his lack of medical attention to it would be the cause of that, but there was a part of him that was glad, a part of him that knew that if he saw it every time he looked in the mirror then he'd never forget how he got it.

"It's fine, Leela, it doesn't matter." His voice was listless and tired, and he rubbed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to go back to that bottle of scotch in the kitchen, but trying to resist until Leela had left. He wasn't sure he was going to win that battle though.

The rumours - they were about what he had expected. Having been more or less cut off from the outside world since the duel, he hadn't heard anything, but he rolled his eyes as Leela listed them. "Being a bat would be cool..." He muttered with a half-hearted smile.

He sighed, looking at Leela and feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt swamp him. "Gods, Leela, people have actually said that stuff to you? I'm sorry. People are..." He stopped himself before a particularly foul word left his mouth. "People suck. They really, really, suck." He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, pulling one out and lighting it, chucking the pack onto the coffee table and taking a long drag. "So, erm... do you know what actually happened?"

[Leela Dy Cazaril]

She can't help but frown at him, but it's worry, so much worry that plays in her face. It's always been like this, why do people always want to keep her away from this sort of thing? She wasn't a child, she'd just turned eighteen. How was she supposed to be an adult when her brother just saw a child in need of protecting?

He was the one who got into fights, and hurt others, and made stupid decisions. Why was she then the one forced to bare witness to it and be told not to fuss.

She almost snatched the cigarette away. She even wanted to check just what he'd been drinking, he smelt foul.

"Yeah, people actually did. People are cruel. Bat powers or no...." She rubs her arm looking towards her brother, slumping into the little stool that was next to the sofa.

"I still don't, no. No one has really been able to tell me in full...or refuse too. I tried writing Dad, but he said it wasn't his place to say."

That had upset her too, that even her own father couldn't confide the secret he'd been allowed. She stared at the bake goods, taking out the muffin out of the celofane packet and offering it towards her brother.

"Hungry?"

[Mordred Le Fey]

Of course she'd written to Dad. Mordred couldn't help but feel grateful to his father for not telling Leela what had happened. Mordred knew she needed to know, but he also knew he needed to be the one to tell her. That he should have told her days ago, instead of avoiding her and leaving her to deal with the idiots at the school and their ridiculous rumours on her own.

He tried to apologise to her again, but the words stuck in his throat when he finally looked at her properly, and saw the hurt on her face. He shouldn't have shut her out - but it was too late to dwell on that now. It was just another mistake to add to the growing pile. And Aiden wondered why he hadn't been leaving his room - who really wanted to face the mountain of mistakes that Mordred had managed to create in just a few days?

He wasn't hungry, he hadn't been hungry in days, but he took the muffin from her and picked at it. "Thanks." He took a deep breath, and looked up at her. "Look, you'd better sit down. You'll need to once I tell you what actually happened. Although it's not actually all that far from what you've heard."

He paused for a moment, still picking at the muffin but not eating any of it, trying to work out how to start. He figured he might as well just get it out, the same way he had with their Dad.

"So... you know what happened with Meredith, I told you about that. Well... people found out. And they weren't happy." He ran a hand through his hair. Why was this so much harder than telling Caz? "So Tristian's kid sister Lorelei sent me a challenge to a duel. She pinned it to my door with a dagger, it was... it was mental. Anyway, I went - I never intended to fight the kid, I was just going to..." You took your sword... you were always going to fight. "Ok, maybe I was going to, but I didn't intend to hurt her. I guess I just wanted to... I don't know, scare her off or something. But she just kept saying all this stuff, calling me a coward, baiting me, and I lost it." He couldn't look Leela in the eye anymore. "She wanted to go to third blood. She got me first," he pointed to his cheek, "it caught me off guard, I didn't think she'd actually be able to fight. I saw red. I lost control and I hammered her. I broke her wrist, cut her a couple of times and then..." Mordred blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears that were gathering in his eyes. "I stabbed her. I thought I'd killed her. Meredith was there, she healed her a bit, and apparently she's going to be ok but..." He wiped his eyes roughly. "I never meant to hurt her. I could have killed her. I can never forgive myself for that."

He dropped the muffin, which he'd unconsciously crushed to pulp, onto the table, and took a shaky drag on his cigarette.

[Leela Dy Cazaril]

"Yeah, I remember what happened with Meredith, did --" she was cut off because he was still talking, and she sat, quietly, watching her brother.

And then he mentioned her name. The kind girl who had been her tourguide to the dorms when she had first arrived. The first friendly face she'd seen.

She hadn't realised that Mordred had been fighting Lorelei, something about that made this whole thing worse. Hr stomach seizing up as she sat on the stool, but she stayed quiet. Her father had always said to listen, and by the gods, she listened. Not just to the words being said, but how her brother spoke them to her.

Her hands grew white as she tensed them, listening to the story. Watching her brother's calm demeanor grew less so as he spoke.

"I stabbed her. I thought I'd killed her."

Gods she wanted to reach out, to hold her brother's hand. To tell him that it was okay, that clearly it was fine, Lorelei was healing, she's okay, she's in hospital. She figured however, with his anger at himself, and the tears in his eyes, holding his hand would do nothing, just like her hug had done nothing. Leela didn't even know what to say, looking directly at the muffin he had squeezed and the way her brother with teary eyes dragged on his cigarette. 

"Mordred I'm--that must have been so hard on you...but she's going to be okay? She's...she's fine? Then it's all worked out..."

Leela swallowed, all the rumours made sense now, stabbing little girls. fights in the courtyard. She shook her head. "Besides, if she put you up to a duel in the first place...." she began, but left it unfinished. It was a silly comment. Mordred shouldn't have fought her. Lorelei can't be blamed, or can she? Why did Leela want to pin blame at all?

Because she blamed herself for not being there for her brother when he had needed her?

"Have you seen her, since the duel? Have you seen any of them?"

Them, being the Camelot crew. Had Genevieve known when she had spoken to her just a few days before? Had they kept it secret from her too?

[Mordred Le Fey]

He shook his head at Leela's words - she didn't understand, how could she. "It doesn't matter if she's ok, it doesn't matter if she's healing, don't you see? She should never have gotten hurt in the first place. I should never have..." He stopped talking, taking another drag and rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

"I haven't spoken to any of them, I haven't left the house except..." He wondered if he should tell her, but figured he'd come this far. "I went home, I saw Dad. I told him everything." He pulled a crumpled note from his pocket and passed it to her.

"I got this from a Summer messenger. The queen is coming tomorrow and she wants to see me. She must know, I..." He sank back into his chair, a look of utter hopelessness on his face. "I don't know what to do."

[Leela Dy Cazaril]

Leela listens, she's quiet. She's sorry she is not as knowledgeable in these matters as Queen Gwen, or like Meredith, or Tristian. She's sorry she's not as smart as her father. Her face flushes a little embarrassed before licking his lips.

"What would Dad do?" she suggested. "I...I mean, if he was summoned, whether it was bad news or good news....I'd still go...and--and Queen Gwen is wonderful. I'm sure...I'm sure she'll understand."

At least Leela hoped.

"I guess, I'm not much help am I? Bringing muffins wont fix anything..."

[Mordred Le Fey]

He raised an eyebrow at her description of the queen. "Yeah, she's wonderful to people she doesn't think are leading her precious prince astray. Don't think she's exactly my number one fan." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm going to have to go, she'll just send people to find me if I don't. My only other option is to run for it, and I don't think I'm in quite the best condition for that just now."

He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it and looking her in the eye. "Lee, you're more help than you now. Don't put yourself down so much. It's not your fault I'm a dangerous mess."

[Leela Dy Cazaril]

"You worry too much, Mordred. I think you give yourself too much credit." Leela snorted at her brother and talking about Tristian, yes, perhaps they were a little mischievous when they were together, but clearly Tristian had a good head on his shoulders. He'd be fine.

"You're going to be fine, I think....well...I have a feeling that if it was something terrible, she wouldn't be inviting you to tea."

When their hands squeezed, she let out an intake of breath.

"I think we're both bad at that...and you're not a dangerous mess, maybe a mess though. I'm sure everything will work out..."

[Mordred Le Fey]

"Hey, I give myself just the right amount of credit, thank you very much." He teased his sister with a small smile. "Maybe you're right. I just... I dunno, I've got a bad feeling. When she's angry..." he gave a low whistle. "I just don't want to be on the receiving end of that."

"Well, I guess a mess I can deal with. Maybe. I hope you're right though. I'm sick of hurting people around me." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I feel pretty dangerous these days."

He looked around, slowly raising himself to his feet and heading to the kitchen, losing that battle after all. He poured himself a glass of scotch, and turned to look at Leela. "Want one?" He asked, holding the bottle up.