The Way I Loved You (Gaston)

[Gaston]

He had longed for her touch for so long, it felt like a lifetime since he had felt her hands on him, and he had to keep reminding himself that this wasn’t one of his dreams, but real. This was real. He felt a fire in his chest heart beat faster - for a brief moment he felt that perhaps he could be truly happy at last. In his village, everyone saw him as the most successful, happiest, idealic man in town -he had everything anyone could ever want, and only had to say the word and he could wed any girl in town. But he hadn’t been happy in ten years.

And apparently he wasn’t destined to be happy now, either.

He hadn’t wanted to pull away, he hadn’t wanted to ask the question, and ten years ago he would have satisfied to be blissfully ignorant in this matter. Who cared of she was married? He’d had plenty of married women before - he could satisfy them in a way their husbands couldn’t. It had never been a big deal, but now? It was different with Gwen. She wasn’t just a conquest, she was so much more, and he needed to know what he was dealing with.

His heart plummeted when the child spoke.

With pain and hurt in his eyes, he dropped his hands to his sides and too much a step back from Gwen. Of everyone she could have chosen, she had to choose the one person who had ever come close to competing with Gaston. Sure, Gaston loved him like a brother, but he had never gotten used to the idea that there was someone as good as him out there - and worse than that, someone who was royalty, a step above where Gaston could ever hope to be. And now he had the woman Gaston loved. He was the reason Gaston would never marry, never have a wife to come home to, or heirs of his own.

“Why? Why did it have to be him?”

[Guinevere]

She almost grabbed him and pulled him back towards her, anything to make this moment last for longer, but she knew she could not. Not least of all because he was most likely stronger than her but after the words he spoke she knew she had to give him a bit of space. Her eyes still lingered on his lips for a moment, desperate to step forwards and reclaim them, but she held back. Instead she looked up and into his eyes.

“Politics,” she said trying to hide the pain in her voice and yet convey at the same time what this meant to her, “It wasn’t even his idea, it was his fathers. He knew about my cousin taking my queendom away from me and offered me an army to reclaim it. My cousin was tearing it apart, I couldn’t let my people suffer any longer…and…I would have had to marry eventually. Not to mention…I wanted to help him too, he was always going to need an understanding wife, and Merlin is my friend…I wanted to help both of them.”

Gaston must know, surely he knew about Arthur and Merlin before he left all those years ago. It had been so long now that she had forgotten who had known and who was still keeping the secret of the then Prince and Manservant. It would not be secret for long, they were bad enough keeping it under wraps in Camelot, now they were back in Tintagel they would take every moment they had just to be together. The thought would have made her quite happy if her current situation was not so serious.

She did not want to lose him, she had to make him understand. She did not marry Arthur for love, she did not marry him because he was better than Gaston (because she did not believe that, she married him because he was in the right place at the right time with the right political advantage.

“Besides, in the Summer Country he may be the King Consort, but I adhere to the old ways of the Queens of the Summer Country and I still have my champion,” she said firmly, “I still get to choose who it is I spend my time with, who I have by my side, and who…” she stepped in closer to him again, “…who I give my heart too.”

[Gaston]

"Politics." He repeated quietly, giving a small nod. That answer should help, it should make him feel better, and yet he still felt hollow and empty. He listened to her explanation silently, his eyes occasionally flitting to her son.

Her son.

He frowned slightly in confusion as she explained about Arthur and Merlin, before a look of realisation suddenly dawned on his face. "Oh my God... I knew it!" He rolled his eyes at his own stupidity. "I knew they were... you know..." Gaston couldn't actually bring himself to say it. "All that time he tried to make out he was my competition with women and he was banging the servant boy." He could help but smirk - damn Arthur had been good.

Then again... he looked at Gwen again, his eyes softening as he took in her beautiful face. Arthur had turned out to be his biggest competition after all. He'd managed to get the one thing Gaston had always wanted. He signed as he looked at her. He understood - of course he did. He might not have a kingdom, he might not be a prince or a king, but he knew what it was to need to do the best for the people you were responsible for. That was what being a Captain in the war had been about. So yes, it hurt, it hurt him badly, but he understood.

He smiled sadly as she stepped closer to him again, as she talked about her champion, and giving her heart away. He reached out and gently stroked her face. "You know I'll always be your champion." He said quietly, leaning down and kissing her softly. "But now I can never be your husband."

He looked at her with a sadness in his eyes, a longing that he now knew would never be sated.

[Guinevere]

She could not help but laugh when he started talking about how he knew about Arthur and Merlin, nodding along as he spoke. She would have been surprised if he had not seen it coming, even before they were all pulled back to their respective worlds surely it was obvious to everyone? After all Gaston had spent a lot of time with Arthur, and sure, he had dated a couple of women but…it was always Merlin. Always. She was so happy that the two of them had finally worked out a way to be with each other and she was happy that she helped them with that.

Well, most of the time.

Right now it was hitting her hard, the situation she found herself in, especially as Gaston leaned in and kissed, stroking with her with that hand she did not realise how much she had missed until this moment. As he spoke those words and she looked into his eyes…yes…right now it hurt…right now, there was regret.

She reached up, taking his hand in both of hers, stepping in close to him as she held it close to her.

“I know it is hard for you to understand, I forget sometimes how different our worlds really is, how different even from Camelot, but in the Summer Country, it might be Arthur that is King-Consort, but it is the Champion that holds the true power, and it is a right they fight for every year…it…it is our way…” she said, trying to make him see that being a champion in our world was not less than a king or even a husband, it was more.

He needed something, he needed more and she wanted to give that to him, she stepped in an letting go of his hands took his face in her hands and said, “In another time, in another place, if I was not a Queen and you were not…the roguish cad I have always loved…it would have been you…I cannot promise you anything else…but I can promise you that…”

[Gaston]

As he listened, a frown began to crease his brow. A right they fight for... after everything, would she expect him to fight for her again and again, year after year? He would - of course he would, he would kill anyone who tried to take her away from him again now that he had found her once more, but still, he couldn’t help but feel frustrated. He always believed that she was the only one who saw through his facade, who saw through the front he put up to the real him. The one who just wanted to settle down with a wife and raise children, who wanted someone to protect and take care of, who in return would take care of him and love him.

And then she was making that promise - in another world or another time... but it wasn’t another world or another time. It was this world, and this time, and in this world and this time she would never be completely his. Not only did he have to share her with her husband - the word made a flush of pain and anger swell in his chest - but he would have to share with her child. Not their child, but hers.

“I love you, Guinevere.” He said softly, looking into her eyes. “I’ve always loved you. But how can we be happy if I have to fight for you year after year? You will return to your kingdom - and where does that leave me?”

He moved away, sitting on a boulder near the building and resting his chin in his hands. “Maybe I should just go back home, and re-enlist. The army is the only place I’ve ever felt any true worth. And if I die in battle, at least i will die in glory, and LeFou will mourn me.”

[Guinevere]

She crossed over to where he was sat on the boulder, her arms wrapped around herself, feeling colder now that he had moved away from her. She had forgotten that warmth, not just physical warmth but the way everything around him had just seemed to always have been so…heated. Either in passion or anger, this coldness was not something she was used too, not from him but in her. She felt cruel for the things she said, the harsh icy truth she was dishing out. But would it have been better to lie to him?

“You never need to fight for me,” she said quietly, “I’ve been yours since the moment we met, and you have been mine. Regardless of who sits at my side, or whatever title they hold, nothing will ever change that…of course I will always, always want that person to be you…but…even if it’s not...you will never need to fight for me.”

Enlist? He had joined the army? She smiled a little at that. He would have done well in the army, he had the right temperament for it, and he would cut a rather dashing figure in uniform. “You would make captain in no time I am sure, if you haven’t already,” said smiling sadly, “although…I could present you a counter offer…if you were interested…you could come lead my armies…Captain Gaston sounds good…General Gaston sounds even better.”

She sat beside the boulder and reached to take his hand, hoping he would let her, “I know it must seem like…you would have to come second or…that you would have less because you have to share with others but…you underestimate just how much love I have to give,” she tried to turn his head to look at her, “and how much I love you.”

Just then Tristian, who had been off searching and climbing on things returned to them, rushing up to Gaston with something in his hands. “Present!” he said cheerily, and opened his hands to reveal some pale white smooth looking rocks, holding them out to Gaston “for you! We can go make them bounce on the lake!”

[Gaston]

He reached out and took her hand as she spoke, bringing it to his lips and kissing it gently. She was right. He was hers, heart and soul, and if she meant it, if she really was his too...

He puffed himself up slightly at her words, "I made Captain during the revolution." He said with a hint of pride in his voice. He hadn't achieved much in his life, or in the ten years he had been back home, but rising through the military ranks swiftly was one he couldn't help but be proud of.

He looked at her as she made her offer. She was right, General Gaston did sound good... it had a very nice ring to it. And leading armies? That was something he knew he could do, and something he knew he would enjoy doing as well. But leave France forever? The village? LeFou? Leave the world he knew for hers? Of course he could.

He allowed her to turn his head, and he looked at her, wanting to lose himself in her beautiful eyes. He leaned closer to her, leaning in to kiss her, when the child reappeared in front of him. Gaston kept hold of Gwen's hand, turning to the boy and looking at the rocks in his hand. He couldn't help but smile - as much as he didn't want to, as much as he wanted to resent this child, he found he couldn't do it. Not when he was standing in front of him, presenting him with rocks and calling them presents - even Gaston had to admit it was cute.

"Thank you, young man." He said graciously, taking a rock from his hand and examining it. "Hmmm, good weight, nice and smooth, yes, this is an excellent rock for skipping. Well found." He bounced the rock in his hand, looking at Tristian with his eyes narrowed slightly. "The question is, do you know how to skip rocks properly?"

[Guinevere]

Of course he made captain, he would have been a brilliant captain, she smiled fondly at him and nodded. “Then I would have to give you a promotion in order to win you over to leading my armies,” she said, squeezing his hand a little, “you would like my men and women, they follow orders well and they are strong and capable.”

When he leaned in to kiss her she had closed her eyes slightly. This was good, this was very good, something that in the past would have escalated into a full blown argument and now here they were, holding hands and he was…he stopped.

She looked over at Tristian who had popped up in front of them and her heart swelled at the response that Gaston gave him as her little boy handed him the pebble. She watched him as he spoke to her son, a mixture of awe and pride. She had always imagined that Gaston would have been wonderful with children, he had spoken often enough about how he had wanted them , however hearing it and seeing it were too completely different things, and with that joy it gave her there was a pang of regret. She thought about him settling down with some other woman, having children with some other woman…she did not want that…she did not want that at all…she wanted him to look at her children the same way he was looking and speaking with Tristian right now. She wanted to give him what he wanted…

Tristian shook his head and said, “No, but sometimes I go down to the moat with Uncle Gawain and he does it and it looks so much fun! I like to see the pebble bounce!”

Tristian’s eyes widened as he looked up at Gaston and with a gasp said, “will you teach me?”

[Gaston]

"You have women in your armies?" Gaston was momentarily distracted by this concept, but Tristain's reappearance forced him to push that thought to the back of his mind for the moment.

He kept hold of Gwen's hand as he gave the young prince his full attention. He knew the importance of making sure that children felt that adults took the seriously and listened to them - it was how boys became confident young men. It was how he had always planned to raise his own sons - as long as what they were talking about was proper, appropriate topics for sons of soon-to-be General Gaston LeGume, of course. Stone-skipping ticked that box. He nodded seriously as he listened to Tristian.

"Hmm, well, if you've been watching your Uncle - Gawain, was it? Then you should have identified the basic techniques and principles." He said seriously, speaking to Tristian in the same way he would speak to his fellow soldiers in a tactical battle planning meeting. "So I expect that you are probably halfway to learning it anyway. And it is vitally important that as a prince, you are an expert stone-skipper." He smiled at Tristian. "So yes, I shall teach you. I'm rather an expert myself. You couldn't ask for a better teacher."

He glanced at Gwen, smiling at her. "As much as I hate to admit it, it seems Arthur makes pretty good kids." He said quietly. "Do you have more?"

[Guinevere]

“Of course I have women in my armies,” she replied matter of fact, “tell a woman she’s fighting for the protection of her children and her husband back home and just you watch. Besides, most other armies underestimate them or feel too awkward to attack them, it’s very effective.”

She watched as two of her favourite boys spoke to each other and looked between them fondly. Tristian swelled with pride when Gaston pointed out that he was halfway to learning already and grinned happily. He liked being told that he had done well. “Yes sir, thank you sir,” he said giving Gaston a little salute, “I’m going to go look for more for our lesson!”

Tristian rushed off in search of more flat stones.

Gwen looked down at the hand she was still holding and placed her other one over the top of it, feeling the skin, so changed and yet so memorable as well. She looked up at him and sadly shook her head, “Just Tristian, I always thought I would have more but…well…”

She looked back down at his hand and said hesitantly, “What…what about you?...any children?”

[Gaston]

He chuckled as Tristian called him sir and ran off to find more stones, already, against his better judgement, beginning to feel a fondness towards the boy. That was going to cause him some problems, he could tell.

He turned back to Gwen and noticed the sadness on her face. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, he kissed her again, stroking her cheek gently. "There's still time," he said with a smile. "You're still young. Plenty of time for more."

He shook his head at her question, his turn now to smile sadly. "No, well, none that I know of anyway." He could't help but wink at her, before remembering who he was talking to. "But, as I said, still plenty of time." He looked at her, his hand still on her cheek. "Although, I suppose the queen having children with a man that isn't her husband is probably frowned upon."

[Guinevere]

It did lift her spirits to hear him say that, she looked up at him smiling happily, and squeezed his hand. Too often now she found herself looking in the mirror a little longer, watching as her face grew that little bit older, knowing that at the same time, her chance for having more children was fading fast. Before she was born the Queens before her had struggled to produce heirs, which is why she had been so surprised when she found out she was pregnant with Tristian, so easily, with no complications. It had taken her mother a while to conceive here, and her grandmother only had two children, her mother and a boy. And yet…Guinevere had managed on the first try so to speak…

She adored Tristian, nothing else would come first in her heart, however…if she wanted the ways of the Summer Country to continue…she would need a girl. Arthur did not seem to be inclined to have any more children and she was well aware that if he did it was likely it would not be with her…Merlin had magic, he’d figure something out…but Gwen…she would have to rely on her champion if she wanted any more children, and for the past ten years, that had been Arthur…

She smiled a bit when he said ‘none that he knew of’, same old Gaston, all bluster. However at his next words her eyes widened a little.

“Actually,” she said softly, tentatively, “In the Summer Country…it’s not. It’s…actually encouraged.”

[Gaston]

He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow suggestively at her words. "Oh, really?" He smirked at her, reaching up smooth his hair again before straightening his jacket. "Well then, I think I can almost guarantee that you will have some little brothers and sisters for the little Prince." He leaned in and kissed her again.

"Although I suppose you'll say here and now isn't exactly appropriate timing?" He grinned at her. "See, I'm learning." He stood up and held out a hand to help Gwen up, pulling her close to him and enclosing her in his massive arms. He closed his eyes as he took in her warmth and the scent of her hair.

"God I missed you."

[Guinevere]

She felt guilty about how happy those words made her. Gwen never thought she would make a very good mother and even if she was thought that it would be hard for her to have any. However now that she had Tristian she just wanted more, so hearing Gaston say that Tristian would have little brothers and sisters, it made her so happy. However, could she really do that to him? He wanted a wife and a family home and she knew that anything they could have would not be really what he wanted? Could she do that?

However the guilt was only fleeting and she was back to laughing at his comments.

“I see that, well done,” she said taking his hand and getting her feet, “well done.”

She looked up at him fondly and leaned in, lightly kissing his lips and whispered, “I missed you too.”

[Gaston]

As she pulled away after a light kiss he smiled at her and pulled her closer, kissing her again, deeply and passionately. He never wanted to let her go again, he wanted to keep her close, protecting her and loving her and never letting her out of his sight again. He knew she would never let him treat her like the precious doll he wanted to, but he knew he couldn't bear it if he lost her again. So he wasn't going to let that happen.

Holding her close, he stroked her hair back from her face and smiled at her. She made him feel complete, she made him feel whole in a way he hadn't in ten years. He had spent every day missing her, wondering where she was and hoping she was ok, and it felt surreal to have her here in his arms now.

"We could make this work, you know. If things with you and Arthur are like you say... I can be ok with that." He smiled at her. "I love you."