Somebody That I Used to Know (Snow White)

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How had he managed to go this long without meeting her?
 
It would probably have helped if he had found out what subject she was teaching first. The school was a big place, she could be anywhere, and despite his best efforts he couldn’t find her. Then again, that might have something to do with the fact that he was searching for her somewhat reluctantly. Did he really want to see her? What would he say to her? What could he say to her? Could he say anything to her to make her come home?
 
He looked at the blank wall in front of him, sizing it up for the shelves he was to put up. He had received a memo on his desk telling him to go to the room and rough specifications for what they wanted. The classroom, thankfully, was empty. Since his arrival at Tintagel he preferred it that way, not particularly enjoying the attention he was getting.
 
Oh how the times changed.
 
Lifting up one of the large planks of wood he held it against the wall, marking on it where he needed to cut it.

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Snow had fallen severely behind in her marking. Why did she have to administer tests and assignments to culinary arts students? Either they could cook or they couldn’t, and no amount of writing was going to make them any better at it. There were some students who could ace a test and still burn water, and the last thing she was willing to do was pass them due solely to written grades.

A text book and a stack of papers in her arms, she entered the classroom that was adjoined to the cooking lab and stopped short when she found it wasn’t empty. There was a man with his back to her who appeared to be measuring her walls for the shelves she had ordered.

“Oh good, you’re here,” she said, crossing the room to her desk to set the papers down, paying the man no more mind. “I was beginning to think you’d never come.”

She had ordered the shelves three weeks ago, and for something so simple she hadn’t thought it would take this long to get them installed.

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He would have recognised that voice in a storm.
 
Edward didn’t dare turn around and face her, not yet, just in case he had been imagining it, but he knew he wasn’t, he knew this was real. She was here, Snow was here, in the same room, the first time since she left, since she told him that…
 
She was here.
 
It took everything within him to stop himself from throwing the plank of wood to the side and rushing towards her. Slowly, he lowered it, placing it on the counter to the side, mulling over the first words she had spoken to him in a long time.
 
‘oh good you’re here…I was beginning to think you’d never come…’
 
So matter of fact, so uncaring, and yet she had expected him to make an appearance sooner or later? Had she been waiting for him? Waiting for him to come and rescue her as he had done before? Was that what this was all about? Why she had left? To work to rekindle that love they had lost, to start afresh? Had he just not picked up on that…
 
Or was that wishful thinking…
 
He knew why she had said those words the way she did… deep down, he did. Turning around slowly he looked at her, and saw that she was preoccupied placing the papers on the desk. On entering the room he had had his back to her…true…he didn’t look like he normally did. He could possibly have forgiven her for not realising it was him…
 
But those words, ‘I was beginning to think you’d never come…’
 
If only he could have said the same to her…when she came back from this place…but she never did…
 
“I only arrived a couple of days ago,” he said, the word coming out hoarse, he cleared his throat and continued, “…I figured I better come here since it looked like you weren’t coming back any time soon.”
 
He didn’t mean it to come out as harsh as it did. He didn’t mean it that way at all. He wanted to break down this barrier between them and cross towards her, sweep her in to his arms and tell her how much he loved her. He wanted that, he wanted it so much that it hurt…
 
….but did she?

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Snow was sorting through the papers on her desk when he spoke; she froze instantly. She recognized his voice, how could she not, but she couldn’t quite believe it. Why was he here? How could he be here? Slowly she turned to face him, trying to imagine it would be someone else standing there when she did.

It was him.

“Edward!” she gasped, both in surprise that he was here and at his appearance. He looked rather bedraggled, far from the crown prince she had left behind.

When she had first discovered she was being followed not long after coming here she had thought it was Edward’s doing, one of his hired men, but she had been mistaken. He had let her go, given her the freedom she had so desired, and never once tried to contact her, so why now?

Henry. He must have received a letter from Henry and decided that enough was enough. He was here to take her back, but what if she didn’t want to return? “I... did not expect to see you. You look well.” She still had the training his family had given her to fall back on, how to be polite and put together in even the worst and most surprising situations.

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You look well?
 
After all this time apart that was all she had to say to him, you look well? If the indifference of her statements beforehand hadn’t crushed him already, then in those three words all would have been made apparent. The distance was still there, as he couldn’t close it, neither could she. That he had surprised her was nothing, surely she should have known he would be there eventually. Or maybe not, maybe that was what was surprising, that she hadn’t expected him, that she had thought he would have carried on without her.
 
How could he?
 
How could he live without her?
 
“Thank you,” he said, calmly, nothing letting on about the turmoil inside of him, “And you. You teach cooking, that’s…appropriate. I remember your cooking was…well…how have you been?”
 
Conversation should not have been this difficult, then again, it hadn’t been easy before she had left.

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Once they had shared everything, their dreams, their bed, their life, but now it was as if they were two strangers, not husband and wife. Where had it gone so wrong? How had they become these different people who barely knew each other anymore?

She remembered early in their marriage when she had still tried to do the things she was used to, things not fit for a princess. She had cooked for him, baked as well, but the kitchen was not the place for her. She had been happy then, though, she remembered that. At first she had been happy, they had been happy, but it hadn’t lasted. She had changed, they both had changed, and eventually she’d had to grow up.

“I have been well, thank you,” Snow replied. Was it her imagination or was he thinner than she remembered? He looked rougher, more gaunt, not strong as she usually pictured him. “And you? How is your family? And...” She hesitated, her tongue suddenly feeling thick.

"Autumn doesn't even remember you. None of them do.” Henry’s voice echoed in her ears. “And the children?” She tried to keep up her cold mask, but for that brief moment a crack had been visible.

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She dared to ask him how he was. Couldn’t she see? Couldn’t she see how much her absence, her abandonment had affected him? Surely it was obvious, every morning when he got up and looked in the mirror he saw it, he saw the change that had come over him. How could she not? The woman he loved, the woman who at one point had said she loved him, how could she not see that he was worse than ever?

“I’m fine,” he said and even managed a smile.

That was until she asked about his family, and the children.

The smile dropped instantly.

He saw the crack in her composure but took it for guilt. Guilt that she had abandoned her children, not him, and really he should be happy about that, that there must still be some tenderness and caring in that cold composed stature of hers. But it was not for him.

“My family are well I hear, I have not seen them in some time, I moved to the country house,” he said and that was all the information he intended on giving her about that respect, “The children are very well. Their governess cares for them very well.”

He hadn’t meant it like a dig, like a snide remark although it would have appeared so. There was a bite to it, an edge, as if he was saying ‘look at this woman. This woman who has no relation to your children, raising them, raising them well, not you. You abandoned them. Us. Me.’

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He looked better when he smiled, even though it didn’t reach his eyes, but it didn’t last. One mention of his family, of their family, and it was back to cold formality on both sides. Still, she couldn’t help a slight wince when he stated that he had moved out of the castle. She had spoken to Henry, she knew all about Edward’s fall from grace and how it had been entirely her doing. No matter what her feelings for him were she felt guilty for that.

The guilt, of course, was coupled with a stab of pain when he spoke of how well the governess was raising the children. Snow lowered her eyes, her thick lashes hiding them momentarily. It should have been her raising their children, but there had been something wrong with her and the task had been given to someone more capable. But just because she had no motherly instincts that didn’t mean she couldn’t feel the pain and regret.

“I am glad. They deserve that,” she replied, a bit more quiet than intended. They deserved someone who could love them and care for them as she had been unable to. Taking a deep breath she looked back up to meet her husband’s eyes.

“Edward, I... Henry told me what happened after I left, and I want you to know that I am truly sorry,” she said, the strength returning to her voice. “I did not think my departure would have such an effect. I did not mean for you to lose your crown.”

Even if she had considered it, would she have stayed?

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She was sorry?

Didn’t she understand that didn’t matter? It didn’t matter how sorry she was if she continued to stay here. His kingdom, his birthright to take that crown, that didn’t matter to him so long as she was with him, so long as he had her love. That was what hurt. Sure he was devastated, annoyed that it had cost him the third most important thing in his life, the crown and his chance to rule, the second being his children, but she, her…she was the most important thing in his life…and she had left him. Losing his crown and the people…that was just one more hit to an already broken man.

He didn’t say this though. He never did, whatever problems they had between them lay unspoken because in the end, he loved her too much to want to burden her with it, to accuse her of hurting him. Because he loved her.

Turning away from her, heading back towards the shelves he said, “I understand the actions of my father. The country needs stability, it needs a strong household, something which…something which I was not able to provide. Henry, shall hopefully provide this.”

Picking up the wood again he mumbled, “Henry should have kept his big mouth shut.”

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Snow frowned at his back when he turned away, her brow creasing slightly. He actually appeared to be returning to the job of hanging her shelves, which just begged the question of why he was here. If he was here because of Henry, or he had come to take her back home, then why did he appear to be working here?

She was already feeling guilty enough, but when he continued to hammer home how it had been her fault, when he continued to act as if he belonged here she felt anger start to surface. This was her haven and he was invading it, not just to talk but to take over, was that it? It was a terrible thing for her to leave their kids behind but it was perfectly fine for him to do so? And he had the audacity to blame Henry for any of this?

“It is not his fault,” she protested. “You were bred for the role from birth and had every opportunity and assistance to prepare for it. Henry never expected the responsibility to fall to him, so it is perfectly understandable that he would be upset. He’s still so young, and now he’s expected to marry and rule? He has every right to be upset.”

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Now was not the time to get angry and yet he could feel it boiling up inside of him. Her words cut deeper than she knew, not just that, the fact she had taken the side of his brother, that she was speaking on his behalf rather than sympathising with him. For the past few months Edward had been trying to keep the jealousy and hatred he had for his brother at bay, to override it with thoughts of family, love, brotherhood. That was more important than titles and thrones. However Edward had been raised since birth to take that crown and it had been snatched away from him, as it seemed, by his younger brother.

“Becoming king, was the only life I knew,” he said quietly, trying not to betray the anger he felt, “it was my only path…now I must look for a new one and I find myself…lost.”

Glancing back at her he said, “Henry and I…we are in the same position, only he knows where his path is going and he must learn to accept it…I…do not.”

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Snow's anger faded at his words. She couldn't even begin to imagine what that must feel like, to be prepared for something for so long only to have it taken away by no fault of your own. She couldn't pretend to know how much he must hate her for being the cause of it.

"Perhaps your paths lie together and you can help each other along them," she suggested. Or would that make it even worse, helping his younger brother achieve the life he himself wanted, the one that was meant for him? "Or... I could speak with your father, appeal to him to reverse his decision." No matter his faults as a husband, Edward would make an excellent king, she was sure of it, and he should not be punished for her shortcomings and rash behaviour.

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Edward couldn’t help but laugh at her suggestions. It was a cold cruel laugh that he couldn’t contain any longer, he had been keeping everything in for so long it needed to find an escape. Turning to face her he said, “Henry and I can barely speak civil words to each other for more than five minutes, do you really think he would allow me to guide him? Do you really think I want too?”
 
Walking towards her he continued, “I stayed in the palace for as long as I needed too, I stayed to save face for my family and for Henry. When Henry came here however they asked me to step back up, to take my place again.”
 
Standing in front of her he said, “I told them no.”
 
Closing his eyes he continued, “I am resigned to my fate, and no words from you will convince my father to change his mind. I am finished there. I have…nothing.”

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His cruel laugh drove through her like a sword. Edward could be distant, he could be distracted and sometimes cold, but she had never known him to be cruel. But then, hadn’t that been her problem all along? That they had never really known each other at all?

Staring back at him, Snow couldn’t settle on anger, guilt, or compassion. “Of course not,” she conceded, her words clipped and her blood red lips thinned in a hard line. She could not expect him to be happy about helping his brother replace him. The revelation that he had been offered the chance to reclaim his rightful title, though, came as a surprise, but not as surprising as the fact that he had turned it down. The shock evident on her face, she felt her heart constrict as he explained.

The rest fading, all she was left with was the guilt.

She wanted to tell him he still had the children, but she knew that was rich coming from her. Besides, they were not at the palace now, he had taken them away with him only to now leave them himself, leave them to come find her... if that was indeed why he was here. She still was not certain.

“Edward, I...” She took one step closer to him, her arm outstretched, before quickly dropping it to her side and halting in place. “I wish I could say something... to explain...” She had tried with Henry but it was so hard to explain things she didn’t understand herself. “Please believe that I never meant for this to happen.”

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He couldn’t look at her. Not now. Otherwise the composure that he was struggling to keep might fall, he would drop to her feet and beg her to take him back, to want to come home, to be a family again…but that wasn’t for him to do. He had promised her space and he would give her that space, as hard as it may be. This conversation however, it was delving into complicated places, talking about things they weren’t ready for. He was scared, scared that he might scare her off with the things he said, the truth. He was already cursing himself for losing it for a moment, he needed to regain that control.
 
“Of course you did not,” he said taking a couple of steps back, “how could you know the outcome of your actions. I was not blaming you.”
 
Although I should… was the cruel thought that came into his mind as he spoke and he worried that his eyes betrayed that thought.
 
“I am…resigned to my fate,” he struggled to say, so very obviously not.