I'm Becoming Numb (Egeria)

[door]

Door was sort of having a hard moment.

She had been trying to figure out what sort of spell could have been placed on Caz to make him revert in age but had decided against involved the Professor or Caz at this time. Caz had enough to deal with without pouring through mountains of text and the Professor seemed to be a bit deep in it, as well. So most of her time was spent trying to get answers to a question that she barely understood.

She was also feeling seriously underpowered after her first magic class. She had always felt that her power needed some more control and focus but she never thought that she was just plain old unpowerful compared to so many people. She had never felt so lacking in that way in her entire life.

Then there was just the normal teenage girl problems. She liked a boy who was in no position to have feelings for her at the moment (and that was sort of the best case scenario). She had a job so she could safe up for a Prom dress which no one would even care about if she didn't get a date. And then she had to feel stupid that she felt the only reason to go to prom was if she had a date.

And, to top it all off, there seemed to be a tree growing half way out of their wall.

Needless to say, Door did what she always did when she was overwhelmed and retreated under her bed. Her covers hung low off the mattress, completely hiding what was underneath the frame. Door relished in the artificial darkness and in the safety for a moment, relaxing in a way she couldn't on the soft pillow top.

[Deleted]

Egeria was sleeping. Yes, she did that from time to time. Even immortal wood nymphs needed a nap every now and again. She'd been up late stalking studying the ways of a certain vampire. It would seem that he is privy to late night walks, a particular one with a creature by the name of Wilhelmina Murray sparking the Dryad's interest. Given that and the hours she stayed up mulling this over, Egeria ended up quite tired. She quickly willed a tree partly into their room and vanished into it to rest until her roommates moving about disturbed her. She obviously wasn't trying to be disturbing, only moving about their room, but contrary to what some may assume, this tree was a particularly light sleeper. Egeria is walking proof that the phrase "I slept like a log" is very inaccurate when trying to inform someone of a sound, deep sleep. And anyway, how was poor Door even to know that Egeria was sleeping in the tree? Echo had long since accepted that most here found this to be uncommon.

The nymph stirred, but only listened to Doors movements for a while until she had made the conclusion that her college had retreated under the bed again. This seemed to be something that Door did often when she was stressed. After a moment a flickering version of Egeria stepped out from inside a branch and wavered in visibility until she willed herself into petals and quickly swept underneath Doors bed to reassemble beside her. She blinked a few times, still slightly drowsy from her rest, but soon rested her right cheek on her crossed arms and gazed at the young woman beside her. Lady Door she addressed her softly I do believe that this is counter productive in your resolve to help dear Lupe de Cazaril

[door]

Door actually almost screamed as when Egeria popped up next to her but she kept herself contained. She didn't think anyone was here and she didn't think anyone knew that she did...this. But, then again, that could have been semi-possible all of two minutes ago. Egeria seemed to have no problem coming out of nowhere.

She was going to ask how the girl knew about Caz but she decided against that too - how did this girl know about her poem? Nope, Door decided it was easier to just assume that this girl had some remarkable knowledge about everything that was happening and that she should just go along with that.

Door took a moment to compose herself, to try and fit the stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed somewhere else so it wouldn't show. She knew that this girl was aware of it but it was as much for Door as it was for anyone else. She didn't like to show herself being anything but calm and composed despite overwhelming odds. Vulnerability was generally not her thing.

"I'm very aware that this won't help anything. It'll just calm me down. And whatever's going on with Caz is just...a single issue." Her tone was colder than it usually was, more frustrated. She closed her eyes after the statement though and shifted, moving her hand under her head and propping herself up to look at Egeria.

"I'm just having a bit of a hard time right now. And...this is what I do."

[Deleted]

She had frightened her. Although that was not specifically Egeria's intention she had guessed that that might be the case. She had a habit of causing people alarm, it would seem. These humans were so skittish and easily startled. Door was no exception, though Egeria had the sense to realize that she was not of this world. She found her rather intriguing for that reason and for her obvious ability to get to people. This was a trait they shared, though Egeria was a tad more experienced at it, being that she was at least a century older than the Lady Door. Still, it was not a common trait among these humans and Egeria found it interesting to study her; one of the things she learned quite early on was this....stress reliever she partook in.

Door liked to...hide, as Egeria saw it. When the world got too much for her she'd curl up in the bathtub, or in the darkness under her bed. Egeria could easily understand the comforts these brought, though she never needed them herself. In a bath tub you can feel all the sides safely around you. The nymph had observed many do this. A little demon by the sir name of Panic she'd seen do this often. It leaves no questions about your surroundings, the world doesn't seem so vast and complicated anymore and humans can pretend for a moment that everything is okay. Her retreat under the bed was slightly different. There was still space to be questioned around you, but darkness, artificial or not, had a calming affect on most humans, those not ridden with Nyctophobia or, more commonly known as fear of the dark. For most people, darkness means night, and so immediately a trigger goes off to notify the body that bedtime is approaching. This generally produces a calming affect, that being what Door was searching for here. All this and more flashed through Egeria's mind as her blue eyes, shining in the dark, watched Door gently.

She spoke then, her words rather cold and irritated. Egeria was not bothered, her irritation was understood and accepted. It was what she did next that the Dryad took special note of. Door sifted and locked her emotions away somewhere to be hidden. Egeria almost thought she might have known better than to try such a thing with her around, perhaps not. After Door had finished speaking entirely, there was a time where Egeria just blinked a few times before deciding to speak. I know she said finally as and overall answer to Doors words. There was another pause before she moved her hand slightly and the calming sounds of nature surrounded them, muffled somehow as to not be irritating and loud. Like she may have just opened the window and turned the outside into a dark forest. Really she'd just invited a few crickets, a night owl, a nice breeze to rustle the leaves on her tree...oh and little stream with a waterfall, contained by some invisible force like it was a fountain of some kind. There room never seemed more like it was outdoors, perhaps it might take Doors mind off of things. Egeria had a hunch that that was a better option then to discuss her problems at the moment.

[door]

Door sighed. She moved so she was on her back, staring up at the bottom of her bed. "Where I come from," she started. "I am constantly surrounded by a city. The city might change, might move, might be different than the one everyone else is seeing, but it's always there. Everything I am revolves around pavements and brick walls and grime. It's so odd to be in a place where that isn't the case." Door reached up and started tracing phantom patterns in the frame of the bed. She was careful not to accidentally open any doors.

She didn't talk about home often. In fact, the only person she had told about home was really Caz. But this girl seemed to know things that Door always kept hidden and that was enough for Door to feel okay being a little candid. "The dark is a thing to fear in my world. There are things that can actually destroy you without a blink there. But I love the fake darkness. The sort you make yourself with blankets or what have you? The artificial...that's what I live for."

Door sighed again. She turned her attention towards Egeria. "I know you're used to seeing right into people but I'm not used to being an open book. This place was supposed to teach me about the real world and...it's all so terrible. I've never felt so powerless in all my life and I mean that in every sense of the word. And even the parts that aren't terrible are stupid. I'm the heir to a quadrant of London Below and I'm getting all emotional because a boy might not like me?" Door's anger was evident.

She ran a hand through her hair the best she could from her position. She was so frustrated, so angry. She hated that she was having these sorts of emotions in the first place but the fact that she couldn't keep them under control was just ridiculous. She hated that she had been caught in a secret ritual. She hated that this girl likely knew all of the things that Door was leaving out - that Door had visions of other dimensions once upon a time, that she was seriously insecure about her magical ability, that she was feeling alone and overwhelmed in a place she had been for over a year.

She hated that she wasn't in control in this moment.

In any moment, anymore.

[Deleted]

Control. What a baffling idea to consider. Egeria herself found it to be a concerning paradox. She could understand it, why beings of all sorts desired it on some level. There were those who seemed to maintained some need for it on a healthy level, that is, for humans. Those who could walk into the room and not be bothered by things slightly out of place, or not being the first to talk or the one in charge. Then there are those who are on the other extreme and most feel a sort of domination over everything that surrounds them. They feel lost unless they can safely manipulate anything and everything they come in contact with. This usually came with a title known to many as "OCD" or, spelled out, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Though this disorder involves many other factors, Egeria had found that a lot of it comes down to control. The need to feel like nothing is just floating around on its own free will. A safety comes with the certainty that you can nothing is out of your control.

Egeria would dare color herself mildly frustrated seeing the fact that she suffered from some issues in this department. It it were made a spectrum, normal control needing habits to OCD, she feared she was on the higher end, as was Miss Door. Egeria had just become so accustomed to being in control. Every situation she has been ever faced with has been set up so she man manipulate it anyway she like. She had been dwelling on this recently since she put a situation into an others hands and had it thrown back in her face. She realized it was a highly unpleasant feeling. A feeling that Door was now most certainly experiencing. The feeling of helplessness is one of the worst among any living thing, Egeria knew. So now, the nymph was faced with a dilemma. Should she help Door, which she would like too, this would mean giving up her control of this situation for starters. This could at least make her patient feel better for the moment, but, in turn, would make Egeria feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. Perhaps there was another way...

Egeria said nothing until she had finished speaking, at which time she dipped her hand into the floor as if it were soft as earth, the places only where her fingers touched indeed turning to soil. She lifted a loose wad of dirt in her hand, allowing it to gently fall back through her fingers until only a smooth, egg sized rock lay in her palm. the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully, Come, you may stand upon my back and face your distant destiny, but seek no haven in my shadow. I will give you no hiding place down here. You, created only a little lower than the angels, have crouched too long in the bruising darkness... She rolled the stone over in her hand, inspecting it carefully as she recited the poem. Oh how I long to cease it's cries spoke Egeria slowly, raising her eyes to meet Doors Though I know my endeavors may be in vain, that does not mean that I do not carry its burden or that it does not hear my words to sooth she said carefully. Yes, so some things are out of our control, that doesn't mean that we give up trying to help. As Egeria saw it, feeling helpless in inevitable in life. The true test of character is how one copes with such trails.

poem.The Rock Cries Out to Us Today by Maya Angelou

[door]

What was it about Egeria that just made Door feel better? The girl...being...thing...was so weird by other people's standards and yet there was something that made Door feel calm. Maybe it was because the girl reminded Door so much of someone who would have lived alongside her in the London Below. She had magic that Door could barely understand, she spoke in riddle and she seemed to understand everything about Door within a moment.

And she could create rocks from wood. How was one not comforted by this general behavior?

Door smiled and looked down at it. "You know, you are absolutely one of the oddest things I have known...and I've known many many odd things. But you might also be the purest." She looked down at the stone, running a finger under her nose to try and compose herself. "It doesn't make me weak, though, you know that right? All humans want control...and all humans are terrified when they don't have it." She couldn't help but feel a bit better.

Somhow, by defending her actions to someone who wasn't even attacking them, Door felt a little stronger.