Post by Deleted on May 12, 2011 17:28:13 GMT -5
((Technically private, but left somewhere strategic so that a certain roommate slash brother can't miss it and might read it if his curiosity won out over his morals... ;D ))
I’ve never kept one of these before. I always thought they were stupid, just a lame way for whiny people who think they’re deep to express all their “feelings” that they don’t have the balls to deal with or say aloud. I’ve never been one to pull any punches, people usually know exactly what I think of them unless it’s beneficial to me that they don’t. People call me selfish and self-centered, but why shouldn’t I come first? What has the world ever done for me? Even my own parents, people who were supposed to love me, provide for me and do what’s best for me only lied to me, betrayed me and deprived me of a good life, one that would never have left me wanting anything. And instead of trying to fix it or deal with it they just sent me away. So why have I decided to write one of these now? Because I have to admit something that I could never let myself say aloud: maybe they were right. Not about everything, but about this place. I feel different lately, not always so angry at everything. I’ve met some people that are worlds above the worthless kids back home who have no direction and are content to follow in their parent’s footsteps. Even the classes aren’t all bad here, some of them I might even call interesting, but never out loud. My brother is here too, no doubt sent to spy on me and keep me in line, but even that isn’t getting under my skin like it normally would. There’s a part of me that actually doesn’t mind him being here. It’s kind of nostalgic sharing a room with him again, and not in the bad way that most memories strike me. I don’t know what’s happening to me, maybe it’s the magic that always seems present around here? I can’t even speculate, not that I really have time. I’m off to see my girl. Yes, one girl, singular; MY girl.
My parents were right. God help me.
I’ve never kept one of these before. I always thought they were stupid, just a lame way for whiny people who think they’re deep to express all their “feelings” that they don’t have the balls to deal with or say aloud. I’ve never been one to pull any punches, people usually know exactly what I think of them unless it’s beneficial to me that they don’t. People call me selfish and self-centered, but why shouldn’t I come first? What has the world ever done for me? Even my own parents, people who were supposed to love me, provide for me and do what’s best for me only lied to me, betrayed me and deprived me of a good life, one that would never have left me wanting anything. And instead of trying to fix it or deal with it they just sent me away. So why have I decided to write one of these now? Because I have to admit something that I could never let myself say aloud: maybe they were right. Not about everything, but about this place. I feel different lately, not always so angry at everything. I’ve met some people that are worlds above the worthless kids back home who have no direction and are content to follow in their parent’s footsteps. Even the classes aren’t all bad here, some of them I might even call interesting, but never out loud. My brother is here too, no doubt sent to spy on me and keep me in line, but even that isn’t getting under my skin like it normally would. There’s a part of me that actually doesn’t mind him being here. It’s kind of nostalgic sharing a room with him again, and not in the bad way that most memories strike me. I don’t know what’s happening to me, maybe it’s the magic that always seems present around here? I can’t even speculate, not that I really have time. I’m off to see my girl. Yes, one girl, singular; MY girl.
My parents were right. God help me.