Post by Fate on Nov 18, 2017 13:47:50 GMT -5
"This place is nuts," insisted the man slumped at the bar. He looked up, seeing the smiling fact that nearly everyone saw when they came someplace like this: Todd. The guy had been feeding the man drinks for most of the night, offered an eager ear. And why wouldn't he? God knows that Todd had seen most of the same shit that this guy had.
"So I'm just a simple guy. You know, just a villager back home," said the guy, waving a hand. "But this place... man. Okay, so," he leaned forward, "apparently, the school was gone for years, right? Hundred years at least our time. But where were we? We're probably magical or something. You," He leaned forward, swiping at Todd who stepped back, "I'm pretty sure you're actually some projection or something," the man sighed, running his hand through his hair. "So, like, lots of people come back at once. Blam. Portal dumps them in a field. They start talking about each other. Some people are just staring and stuff, because what the hell, right? But, like, this idiot shows up they don't know. Suddenly they realize they gotta get the school up again."
The guy paused to get a drink.
"But there's shit, y'know? Like, one of them. He tried to sell the rest of them out during the war. Ends up in a field with their leader, king whatshisface. The gay one, who's apparently sort of married to Merlin but also to the queen. Not the ice queen, but the, like, Summer queen. But, yeah, lots of crap there. Apparently there was a girl too: got pulled right outta the war and dumped right back. Like us, except we ain't hearing voices."
Another swig.
"So, other places, Merlin's using magic with the singing girl, cleans shit. And Gaston, you know Gaston right? Deputy Headmaster. And ain't that some shit? Like, popular vote gives us some weirdo named Milo Thatch that nobody knows from apple. well,' the man grinned, "except Apollo, who knows him well. And I guess sorta Alyss. That's the heart queen, not the winter gay one that nobody talks to or the summer one who's a CEO boss in charge now. But yeah, the Headmaster's been screwing around with the sun god in the office or something. That was hot stuff," the man chuckled. "That's a pun."
Another swig.
"Oh, right, Gaston drags the idiot to the office, cleans it out. Decides he's headmaster. But we know how that turned out. Of course, poor guy also runs into Gwen, who's got a kid with his best friend now. Gotta tell you, nobody handles drama like Gaston," another swig. 'Guy's been stomping around, but you can tell there's some real hurt there, man. 'course, doesn't help that Gwen's married, has this weird knight guy working for her too: Lance or something. Guy's an asshole who drinks, but apparently he also helped Gwen get into Grayle, so we got that to thank them for."
Another swig.
"Right, where was I? oh, right meeting. So there's this guy there, shows up in his pajamas, because why the hell not? Turns out he's in love with a mermaid. They reunited in the lake. Tears shed. They're engaged now. Because everybody knows penguins like to eat fish, I guess."
Another swig.
"Uh... who else? Oh, right, there's new people too. Like, portal opens up from this weird land called Arendelle. Dumps out this cheery redhead named Anna. she meets the headmaster, has some fun old times there. Gets cheery. Her sister and her boyfriend follow after her. That would be the gay ice queen who might be evil? Also definitely gay, based on vampire dancing and giving goo-goo eyes to a werewolf who's also getting stumbled over by a guy who used to be a fox cop before coming here after following his bunny partner. It's cool: said bunny's got this weird thing going on with the uncertain wolf who's getting pep talks from the Lord of Darkness. Lord of Darkness is banging this hot witch though, so that's cool. Oh, and those two, they're both friends with the god of the dead, who just showed up to mess up everyone's lives. They're like, a Satanic Trio that kidnaps babies. Oh!" he leaned forward, putting a finger to Todd's lips. "That one's a secret. People don't know that, Todd. You can't tell."
Another swig. "Where was I...? Oh, yeah, bunny cop. Shows up, dances with the bat person, now seems to be running around doing everything and making lots of friends. Met up with her partner, though they didn't know it until they'd already outran a jello monster. Crazy shit. Better watch that one. The girl, not the monster. Second Cimorene, right there."
Another swig.
"Oh, right! Magical witch woman. Shows up, bangs a vampire. Gives him magic and shit. Wipes out the memory of her poor ex, who's wandering around in old man skill now. Seems like he can't just catch a break. But she scares the shit outta me, man. But hella sexual chemistry with the vampire. Like, damn," the man let out a low whistle. "Evil's sexy in her."
Another swig.
"But yeah, so, to clean up the place, Merlin does a meeting. Merlin's actually like, the best choice for Headmaster. Offers advice, married to a king, best magician. Shame he got third place. 'course, that's only because we didn't get two more votes for 'anybody but gaston!'" The man laughed hysterically, beating the table. "There were forty-six votes against Gaston in the contest! Like, Milo wins by a few hundred, but Gaston only just won by like two, which is probably the ones he had his minions drop in. But, like, they meet to talk, and the rabbit, Judy whatever, takes over for a bit. Really, it's all about Merlin, Della, and Judy doing the shit to get stuff fixed around here, at least in front of the scene. Dark guys are setting up shop. Gwen's running Grayle. Gaston's taking power."
He paused. "Did I mention Della? Girl's, like, the real protag here. Like, no magic, just good sense. Plucked from a decent world again dropped here. Does she freak out? Hell no. Tries to find her lover, Panic. Who's part demon and pretty much spent all his time as an animal freaking out. 'cept when his abusive dad yelled at him. But Della's got this shit on lock."
"But yeah, they're all, like, meeting. Then Andy shows up; that's the penguin's mermaid. And she's got fish tail and Mumble, that's pajama penguin, he's all 'help my fishwive!' Then idiot shows up and sings and that falls apart."
Another swig.
"Oh, somewhere in here, god of death shows up. Penis comes in---I mean Phoebus. Fanbody. Big dork. Meets the bee-u-tee-ful Elaine, falls hard. Creams his pants over everyone in Camelot. Gets Judy to strip. That sort of thing. But yeha, Penis, Elaine, Hades, most of our recent arrivals. There's some vikings fumbling around. And snow."
He pauses. "That girl, she creeps me out. Like, keep her away from kids and small animals."
Another swig. "So, like, they all show up for the Headmaster thing. Everybody's there. Good times. Apollo leaning on Milo, and not in the sexy way. Gaston and Lance getting into dick measuring contests over Gwen. But, like, Morgana does magic, kidnaps, and bam, there goes Tristian! Trio's babysitting, heroes are freaking out---well, except Della and Judy. Did I mention that they got shit on lock? And Merlin's gonna magic and---"
The man yawns, slumping forward. Todd smiles, holding up the drink. "Poor guy," he says. "Won't remember any of this."
"So I'm just a simple guy. You know, just a villager back home," said the guy, waving a hand. "But this place... man. Okay, so," he leaned forward, "apparently, the school was gone for years, right? Hundred years at least our time. But where were we? We're probably magical or something. You," He leaned forward, swiping at Todd who stepped back, "I'm pretty sure you're actually some projection or something," the man sighed, running his hand through his hair. "So, like, lots of people come back at once. Blam. Portal dumps them in a field. They start talking about each other. Some people are just staring and stuff, because what the hell, right? But, like, this idiot shows up they don't know. Suddenly they realize they gotta get the school up again."
The guy paused to get a drink.
"But there's shit, y'know? Like, one of them. He tried to sell the rest of them out during the war. Ends up in a field with their leader, king whatshisface. The gay one, who's apparently sort of married to Merlin but also to the queen. Not the ice queen, but the, like, Summer queen. But, yeah, lots of crap there. Apparently there was a girl too: got pulled right outta the war and dumped right back. Like us, except we ain't hearing voices."
Another swig.
"So, other places, Merlin's using magic with the singing girl, cleans shit. And Gaston, you know Gaston right? Deputy Headmaster. And ain't that some shit? Like, popular vote gives us some weirdo named Milo Thatch that nobody knows from apple. well,' the man grinned, "except Apollo, who knows him well. And I guess sorta Alyss. That's the heart queen, not the winter gay one that nobody talks to or the summer one who's a CEO boss in charge now. But yeah, the Headmaster's been screwing around with the sun god in the office or something. That was hot stuff," the man chuckled. "That's a pun."
Another swig.
"Oh, right, Gaston drags the idiot to the office, cleans it out. Decides he's headmaster. But we know how that turned out. Of course, poor guy also runs into Gwen, who's got a kid with his best friend now. Gotta tell you, nobody handles drama like Gaston," another swig. 'Guy's been stomping around, but you can tell there's some real hurt there, man. 'course, doesn't help that Gwen's married, has this weird knight guy working for her too: Lance or something. Guy's an asshole who drinks, but apparently he also helped Gwen get into Grayle, so we got that to thank them for."
Another swig.
"Right, where was I? oh, right meeting. So there's this guy there, shows up in his pajamas, because why the hell not? Turns out he's in love with a mermaid. They reunited in the lake. Tears shed. They're engaged now. Because everybody knows penguins like to eat fish, I guess."
Another swig.
"Uh... who else? Oh, right, there's new people too. Like, portal opens up from this weird land called Arendelle. Dumps out this cheery redhead named Anna. she meets the headmaster, has some fun old times there. Gets cheery. Her sister and her boyfriend follow after her. That would be the gay ice queen who might be evil? Also definitely gay, based on vampire dancing and giving goo-goo eyes to a werewolf who's also getting stumbled over by a guy who used to be a fox cop before coming here after following his bunny partner. It's cool: said bunny's got this weird thing going on with the uncertain wolf who's getting pep talks from the Lord of Darkness. Lord of Darkness is banging this hot witch though, so that's cool. Oh, and those two, they're both friends with the god of the dead, who just showed up to mess up everyone's lives. They're like, a Satanic Trio that kidnaps babies. Oh!" he leaned forward, putting a finger to Todd's lips. "That one's a secret. People don't know that, Todd. You can't tell."
Another swig. "Where was I...? Oh, yeah, bunny cop. Shows up, dances with the bat person, now seems to be running around doing everything and making lots of friends. Met up with her partner, though they didn't know it until they'd already outran a jello monster. Crazy shit. Better watch that one. The girl, not the monster. Second Cimorene, right there."
Another swig.
"Oh, right! Magical witch woman. Shows up, bangs a vampire. Gives him magic and shit. Wipes out the memory of her poor ex, who's wandering around in old man skill now. Seems like he can't just catch a break. But she scares the shit outta me, man. But hella sexual chemistry with the vampire. Like, damn," the man let out a low whistle. "Evil's sexy in her."
Another swig.
"But yeah, so, to clean up the place, Merlin does a meeting. Merlin's actually like, the best choice for Headmaster. Offers advice, married to a king, best magician. Shame he got third place. 'course, that's only because we didn't get two more votes for 'anybody but gaston!'" The man laughed hysterically, beating the table. "There were forty-six votes against Gaston in the contest! Like, Milo wins by a few hundred, but Gaston only just won by like two, which is probably the ones he had his minions drop in. But, like, they meet to talk, and the rabbit, Judy whatever, takes over for a bit. Really, it's all about Merlin, Della, and Judy doing the shit to get stuff fixed around here, at least in front of the scene. Dark guys are setting up shop. Gwen's running Grayle. Gaston's taking power."
He paused. "Did I mention Della? Girl's, like, the real protag here. Like, no magic, just good sense. Plucked from a decent world again dropped here. Does she freak out? Hell no. Tries to find her lover, Panic. Who's part demon and pretty much spent all his time as an animal freaking out. 'cept when his abusive dad yelled at him. But Della's got this shit on lock."
"But yeah, they're all, like, meeting. Then Andy shows up; that's the penguin's mermaid. And she's got fish tail and Mumble, that's pajama penguin, he's all 'help my fishwive!' Then idiot shows up and sings and that falls apart."
Another swig.
"Oh, somewhere in here, god of death shows up. Penis comes in---I mean Phoebus. Fanbody. Big dork. Meets the bee-u-tee-ful Elaine, falls hard. Creams his pants over everyone in Camelot. Gets Judy to strip. That sort of thing. But yeha, Penis, Elaine, Hades, most of our recent arrivals. There's some vikings fumbling around. And snow."
He pauses. "That girl, she creeps me out. Like, keep her away from kids and small animals."
Another swig. "So, like, they all show up for the Headmaster thing. Everybody's there. Good times. Apollo leaning on Milo, and not in the sexy way. Gaston and Lance getting into dick measuring contests over Gwen. But, like, Morgana does magic, kidnaps, and bam, there goes Tristian! Trio's babysitting, heroes are freaking out---well, except Della and Judy. Did I mention that they got shit on lock? And Merlin's gonna magic and---"
The man yawns, slumping forward. Todd smiles, holding up the drink. "Poor guy," he says. "Won't remember any of this."