Letter to Lupe dy Cazaril

[Mordred Le Fey]

Hi Dad,

I know this is probably unexpected so don't die of shock, I don't think Leela could handle it.

I don't know who to turn to, I can't go to mum and I don't want to upset Leela.  I don't even know why I'm bothering with this, it's not like we've ever seen eye to eye on anything, but I don't know what else to do.  Please save the judgement, save the deep and meaningful soundbites and just... be a dad?

I did something stupid. Well, lots of stupid things.  It's spiralled out of control and I've hurt a lot of people, some worse than others.  I've isolated myself from everyone and I don't know how to fix it.  I can't tell you what I've done - again, Leela wouldn't cope if I gave you a heart attack.  Just know that it's worse than anything you've despaired of me doing before.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to fix things with the people I've hurt.  I don't know how I can go on like this.

Please help me, Dad.

Mordred

[Cazaril]

Dearest Mordred,

It must be bad if you are willing to talk to me about what has happened and not your mother or sister. I'm thankful perhaps, for your reluctance to tell me, but also concerned as you can imagine a father would be for their son.

But, as promised, no soundbites. I just want you to be alright. I have done and said some terrible things in the past, and I have hidden away in fear of them. It's okay to make mistakes. I promise you that. As for advice, perhaps something small to try: Whomever you've wronged or hurt, maybe send them a letter of apology? An apology is always the first step, son. To let them know you are truly sorry and never meant ill will.

Don't try to do everything at once, take it a step at a time. You can't make everything right overnight.

You know, if you ever wanted to come back here, for a few days, or however long you needed, your mother and I wouldn't ever think less of you for it. Sometimes, we all need a break from our day to day and you can always make me your villain in the piece sending you home for punishment. You know we would do anything for you.   

Please take care of yourself too, I am always here if you want to vent to me in writing. I hope I was 'dad' enough.

Your father,
Cazaril

[Mordred Le Fey]

Dad,

I think I've ruined everything. I don't know if an apology is going to be enough. I hurt the one person who matters more to me than anyone, and I hurt their family and friends. And if anyone in Camelot finds out what I did I'll be executed or banished. And I hurt Tristian. I've burned that bridge, Dad, well and truly.

The worst thing is I did mean ill will. I don't know why, I don't know what is missing or broken in my head but I wanted to hurt them, I wanted to push them all away. And now I'm alone with nothing worth carrying on for, except Leela.  Who won't want anything to do with me when she finds out either.

I'm sorry I've always let you down, Dad. I'm sorry I've never been the son you wanted or deserved.

Mordred

[Cazaril]

Dearest Mordred,

Sorry for the soundbite, but bridges can be mended. There are such things as second chances, and if you did mean ill will -- clearly you have regret now. You are guilty, perhaps, but people are merciful if you are honest with them.

You have not let me down my boy, this here, this admittance, this honesty, makes me very proud of you. I am sure your sister will understand, she loves you very much, as do I, as does your mother.

You are never alone, Mordred. Again, the offer to come home still stands, and I'll be sure to be in your corner when you do. For whatever you may need.

Your loving father,
Cazaril

[Mordred Le Fey]

I want to come home, Dad.

[Cazaril]

I'll be at the portal, whenever you're ready Mordred.