Something to Be (Dusty)

[Dusty Fae]

Dusty were awful relieved when Nikolay took it back. And it made ‘er feel much better that ‘e were takin’ back ‘is request. Honest, she weren’t sure she could work up the nerve ta ask Arkady ‘bout it. It weren’t none o’ her business and Arkady hadn’t even told ‘er he had a brother. She didn’t know a thing ‘bout the rest of ‘is family and maybe there were a reason fer that. Dusty wouldn’t wanna put ‘er foot over the line so to speak.

“It’s alright,” she told Nikolay gently and with a small smile. “I’m sure you know ‘im better anyhow.” They were brothers after all, so o’ course Nikolay would know Arkady better.

It was awful nice that their parents liked ta check in on ‘em. That were awful nice of ‘em. She wished ‘er momma could come visit. “It’s just momma and me,” she told the other boy with a half smile. “She cain’t visit much, but we write often. We sorta check up on each other in our letters.”

It were just how they kept track o’ each other. But it’d be nice if she could visit. “It’s nice that your parents wanna come visit.” She wished her momma could.

[Deleted]

Just her and her mother? Well that certainly didn’t make things any clearer, and it wasn’t really an indication of what Arkady could be doing with a girl like this. Again he was leaning more towards the fact that this could be something real, it’s just a shame he couldn’t get rid of this horrible nagging doubt. The girl appeared to be more than nice, a genuine kind of nice which again seemed strange.

“Yeah it’s great,” he said a little distracted, still lost in his thoughts a little, “they love my brother very much…”

He looked up at her and said in what he hoped was a concerned manner, “Why cant your mother come and visit? Does she live far away from the portal in your world?”

[Dusty Fae]

Nikolay seemed a little distracted and she were awful curious as ta why. She’d just been talkin’ ‘bout ‘er momma and how she cain’t visit too much and how they wrote letters. There weren’t a whole lot ta think ‘bout, were there?

She were awful glad ta hear that Arkady’s parents were awful fond of ‘im. Probably awful fond o’ the both of ‘em if’n they were comin’ ta visit. That really were awful nice. It were times like these when Dusty wished she’d a had a daddy so that he could come visit and be awful proud o’ his baby girl, just like momma were.

The question startled ‘er right outta her thoughts. It were a rather direct question. “Uh, no, the portal’s just past the next town over. We gotta take the train and then walk, but it ain’t too far. My momma’s gotta work though. She cain’t take offa work too often ‘cause it’s just the two of us and we need ta earn a livin’.” She weren’t gonna mention what exactly ‘er momma did o’ course. No one knew and that were the way she wanted ta keep it.

[Deleted]

Nikolay nodded in understanding before continuing with, “It wont be easy for my mama and papa to come over, they work really hard as well. I’m afraid Arkady aren’t exactly swimming in pools of money. But it’s good, we…get a work ethic, we work for what’s important to us, whether it’s money, education…or…love.”
 
Not that he had ever had the opportunity to work hard to get a girl, not because he was overly confident or anything. There just wasn’t many girls that really took his fancy. Sure he’d had a couple of crushes but either they just disappeared or he found out that his brother had kissed her or played it already, and he didn’t want to go there. He could see how nice and pretty Dusty was, and the more he spoke to her the more he could see why guys might like her, she was incredibly sweet. If he hadn’t known his brother was dating her, if maybe he had come to Tintagel first then…maybe…but not now.
 
Right now he needed to figure out just what his brother was up too.
 
“So are you enjoying the school? It’s all very new to me, nothing like this back at home.”

[Dusty Fae]

Honest, when Nikolay admitted that they weren’t swimmin’ in pools o’ money it weren’t exactly a surprise. Arjady’s never seemed the rich type and Dusty didn’t mind ‘cause it weren’t like she had all that much money either. And workin’ fer what were important were a lesson she’d been taught since she were knee high to a grasshopper. She nodded. “Those are all awful important, I’d say.” The way Dusty saw it, yah needed money no matter where you were goin’, some kinda education so you at least read or write and do basic math (‘less o’ course yah wanted ta do somethin’ like politics and then yah needed a better education) and love were important ‘cause no matter what happened you could always count on bein’ loved by someone.

Dusty smiled, understandin’ just how diff’rent a new place could be. This were about as diff’rent from ever’thin’ she’d ever known. It could all be a bit overwhelmin’ at times.. “It’s real diff’rent fer me too,” she told ‘im. “We have a one room schoolhouse back home, so it were awful diff’rent comin’ here. But I like it. The classes ain’t too bad. Some of it’s real in’erestin’.” She shrugged. “Some of it ain’t. But I’m awful glad I came. It’s nice. I like it here.”

[Deleted]

He wondered if Arkady had said anything to her about how ‘wealthy’ their family were. Considering their earlier conversation he imagined his brother would be doing everything to try and hide that part of his life. Especially from a potential interest like Dusty, unless of course he was paying some kind of angle, ‘oh look at the two of us aren’t we so poor, lets get together so I can…’ so he can what. Dusty didn’t have much, she was sweet and…what purpose did she serve Arkady?

This was so confusing, he really needed to stop thinking about it.

“We only had one too, of course I didn’t stay for too long, had to go out and work as soon as I could what with the war and everything. Too young to join up, but old enough to work,” he said without any kind of smile.

He looked up at her to try and hide the hurt and said, “but you’re right it’s interesting here. Much better. What’s your town like?”

[Dusty Fae]

This were the first time Dusty’d hear ‘bout a war. Arkady never mentioned a war, but maybe he hadn’t wanted ta mention it ‘cause he were tryin’ ta get away from the war. Maybe, but this were awful confoundin’. Wars weren’t good. She’d studied all ‘bout the Civil War in school and the Revolutionary War and other wars too that happened over in Europe, but there hadn’t been any wars in a while. Not since the Civil War anyhow, at least, not in her time.

And it just weren’t fair atall that Nikolay had left school ta work. But she were sure glad he hadn’t joined up as ‘e put it. So many people died in wars and growin’ up in a wild sorta place like Los Avalos, Dusty’d seen more’n ;er fair share o’ men dyin’. It weren’t pleasant at all. And she’d never want that fer Nikolay. She didn’t know what ta say ‘bout that. She could see that it weren’t what he’d wanted at the time, but sometimes yah couldn’t always get what yah wanted.

She were grateful for the change o’ topic though, comin’ back ‘round to her home. She could talk about that, though probably not with the fervor she normally would. “Oh, well, it ain’t very big. And it’s in the middle of the desert. There’s dust storms sometimes and it don’t rain very often.” She shrugged. “It ain’t much, but it’s home.”

[Deleted]

Nikolay snorted with laughter as she spoke about her hometown in a manner that wasn’t meant to be taken meanly. It was just what she was describing, it was just so…
 
“We couldn’t be from more different worlds, could we?” he said, a little amazed by it, “you’re home is so isolated, mine is surrounded by buildings. You get dust storms and no rain, we get a lot of rain, sometimes even snow. Oh its generally lovely during the summer months, and when it rains its still warm. And yet here we are…”
 
He looked around the park they were standing in and smiled a little sadly, “It’s so lovely here…if it wasn’t for my family…I’m not sure I would want to leave.”

[Dusty Fae]

Dusty were honestly surprised when Nikolay laughed. He were so serious that he didn’t seem the type ta just start laughin’. She weren’t even sure what she’d said ta make ‘im laugh. She didn’t think she were awful funny. She’d been talkin’ ‘bout deserts. She didn’t understand atall.

But she smiled when ‘e explained. Well o’ course they were from real diff’rent places. Arkady had said he lived in Paris and Paris were a far cry from Los Avalos. There weren’t a comparison really. Paris were a real city and awful grand compared ta tiny little Los Avalos. “Here was are,” she repeated with a nod. They might be from two real diff’rent places, but here they were.

Dusty noticed the sad smile. And the words she could understand. Family obligations always came first where she were from. When family were so precious and death seemed ta lurk right ‘round the corner, they were yer number one priority. But fer Nikolay…it sounded like it were a burden and Dusty felt for ‘im. She wanted ta comfort ‘im, but didn’t know how. “Well,” she began, tryin’ ta think o’ somethin’ intelligent ta say. “Well we still gotta get through school and maybe by then you’ll be able to stay.” She shrugged, ‘cause the future were never predictable. “Only time will tell.”

[Deleted]

He turned to look at her again and smiled his strange not quite there smile. It was the face, he just had too serious a face that when he smiled it just looked a little unnatural. Who knows, maybe one day, his smile would look like it belonged there. He nodded, agreeing with her statement, just as his smile might become natural, maybe he would be able to make a life for himself here. “True, we just need to survive the school first,” he said looking down at the ground and kicking some of the grass.
 
Survive was the right word. Not because the work would be hard, or because he might be learning things he had no idea about, about worlds he never even knew existed…it was because his brother had been here already. The first day in his new class every year was always interesting, considering most of the time the teachers had already met his brother. For the first week they would blame almost everything on him, because he was a Pavlovich, same family, thus they must be the same trouble making delinquents. Usually by the second week they would catch on that maybe, maybe, Nikolay was different. There had been one teacher that had never changed his mind, who always thought he would be trouble and spent the entire year making an example of him to the rest of the class, giving him detention for nothing more than daring to put his hand up to answer a question ‘no doubt with some insolent comment’. That was the year before his parents pulled him out and decided to school them at home. It had nothing to do with Arkady’s expulsion…not at all…
 
“I just hope Arkady hasn’t got himself into too much trouble that they’re all going to think I’m the same,” he said before thinking about it.
 
He was sure he wasn’t supposed to be making disparaging comments about his brother to his new girlfriend. “Not that he is in trouble often,” liar, “just that the teachers tended to pick on him back home,” only because he started, “I just hope they don’t think we’re the same, because we’re not…not at all…”
 
Now that’s the truth.
 
“So…what are your intentions with my brother?” he said, his attempt at levity.

[Dusty Fae]

Dusty used the word ‘survive’ when she were talkin’ ‘bout lotsa things like droughts or real bad dust storms. She’d say that ‘bout shootouts or gun fights or bein’ robbed at gunpoint. Those things were all things that needed survivin’. School weren’t dangerous so she didn’t feel like it warranted survivin’. Sure, sometimes the work might be tough or the teacher a little meanr’n most, but it weren’t like they were goin’ ‘round holdin’ students at gunpoint or anythin’. She hadn’t seen any shootouts and she were most likely the only student to own a gun. Yah needed ta survive life, not school.

Though she weren’t about ta tell all this to Nikolay. She wanted ‘im ta think well of ‘er and not say anythin’ bad ta Arkady. She’d never want Arkady ta think anythin’ bad ‘bout ‘er. And Nikolay was his brother so he’d probably trust what ‘e said and why shouldn’t he? If’n she’d had siblin’s she’d trust ‘em more’n anybody probably. So she assumed that were how things always were.

She were surprised ta hear Nikolay say that teachers always assumed that the two brothers would act the same. Well of course they wouldn’t. Anyone could see that. Why she’d just met Nikolay and she could tell he were diff’rent from his brother. Siblin’s weren’t ever all that alike. It were silly fer teachers ta think so. “I’m sure they won’t think so,” she reassured him. “I’m sure most teachers understand that you’re diff’rent. You may be brothers, but that don’t mean yah act the same.” It made sense to her.

And it seemed that Nikolay were real diff’rent from Arkady. Arkady didn’t seem the type ta ask what ‘er intentions were, but apparently Nikolay weren’t. And now Dusty were bewildered and confused and had no idea how to answer that. How were you s’posed ta answer that? She and Arkady hadn’t been datin’ all that long. It weren’t like they’d been datin’ fer a real long time and now Nikolay were askin’ what she wanted outta this relationship thing. They’d hardly been seein’ each other. And Dusty couldn’t think o’ what ta say.

“My intentions?” she repeated, soundin’ ‘bout as bewildered as she felt. “I don’t…uh, well I ain’t…um,” she said rather unintelligently, rubbin’ the back of ‘er neck awkwardly. She had no idea what to say to Nikolay.

[Deleted]

“I was joking,” he said quickly, a worried expression on his face, “I was…joking, because that’s usually something a father would ask a prospective suitor for his daughter, you know, I uh, sorry, I was just…joking.”

This wasn’t good, what if she went and told Arkady? He would be furious and then they would argue and then they would fight and then he would probably walk away with a black eye. It seemed that not even getting away from their home could stop the two of them fighting, nothing ever could, not even their parents at time. They really needed to channel that into something, maybe the two of them should join some fighting circle or something.

“No, really, you seem really nice,” he said and smiled a little, “my brother is lucky to have you as a girlfriend. My mama and pap would love you.”

[Dusty Fae]

Dusty were real relieved when Nikolay said he were just jokin’. He were just pullin’ ‘er leg were all, but he looked so darn serious that she thought that he’d meant it. She thought he were bein’ serious, which were why she’d been so confused. She knew that fathers usually asked the beaus what their intentions were and that’s why she’d been so confused.

But now that she understood that Nikolay’d been jokin’ it were kinda funny. It’d been funnier if’n she’d a known he were jokin’ in the first place. But she smiled, a bit embarrassed that she hadn’t realized it were a joke. “You were just so serious lookin’ I couldn’t tell you were jokin’,” she told ‘im. “I thought you really meant it and I was real confused, but it’s alright. I understand now.”

And it was nice o’ Nikolay ta say that ‘is momma and daddy would like ‘er a lot. That were comfortin’ ta know. It seemed like people tended ta like ‘er once they gave ‘er a shot and it would mean a lot if’n Arkady’s parents would like ‘er. “That’s awful nice o’ you ta say. Thank you.” She smiled at Nikolay, pretty sure that the two of ‘em could be friends.

[Deleted]

“Not the first time I’ve heard that,” said Nikolay, smiling but a little sadly, “well my mama always said that if I kept making silly faces the wind would change and my face would be stuck like that.”

He did have a very serious expression, but then when he looked at his family, their situation, the future he had ahead of him, he couldn’t see much to not be serious about. He had tried making jokes but never quite got it right, not even sarcasm which for an expression like his a person would think would be easy enough, but he just didn’t seem to pull it off. The same way he couldn’t quite pull of a genuine smile. He blamed his father, he had such a crooked smile to begin with, that mixed with his fathers moments of angst resulted in Nikolay. It wasn’t even a handsome crooked smile.

“It’s the truth,” he said in all seriousness, “mama would think you’re just the kind of girl Arkady needs, someone who appeals to his…more sensitive side.”

[Dusty Fae]

Dusty felt bad that she’d even said that. He couldn’t help that he were so serious lookin’ all the time and he’d tried to make a joke. He had tried and it were a good effort, but that sad sorta smile made ‘er feel bad. She shoulda never brought it up. She shoulda never said anythin’. She hated ta make anyone feel bad. And nikolay couldn’t even help it. And now Dusty didn’t know what to say.

She shrugged. “I guess all mommas say that. My momma used ta tell me that too.” Dusty didn’t mention that ‘er momma used ta tell ‘er that when she were angry and throwin’ a tantrum. But that were a real long time ago. No need ta bring that up. She were much better behaved now.

And now Dusty didn’t know what to say again, ‘cause what were she supposed ta say to that? She might be just the right kinda girl for Arkady, but she were the not the right kinda girl ta know what ta say. And she weren’t even sure she were the right kinda girl fer Arkady. She liked ‘im an awful lot, but this was still new and confusin’. “He’s teachin’ me how ta dance,” she blurted out. She weren’t quite sure why she said that. Gosh, this were confusin’.