Lifestyles of the Drunk and Horny (Gawain)

[kay]

Kay was being inappropriate as usual. Of course, if he wasn't being inappropriate, something was seriously wrong. He was dressed nicely -- that much could be said. His dress shirt was pink, his tie purple with rhinestones and his suit jacket looked like it had taken a bath in glitter, which, in fact, it had: Kay had seen to that. His slacks were as tight-fitting as possible, of course and his shoes were possibly from the women's section. Still, as flamboyantly as he was dressed, he could not be turned away for not being dressed formally.

Unless almost everyone else in the restaurant, he didn't have a date. Well, not yet, anyway.

And just how do you fix the problem of being all by your lonesome? That's easy: alcohol! Lots and lots of alcohol. Who can resist a handsome man in a...suit drinking all by himself in a fancy restaurant?

[Deleted]

Gawain was always dressed to impress although with a lot less sparkles, although he had been accused several times already for wearing female attire. His good nature was starting to dwindle a little after the fourth comment and the cheery grin that was normally stuck to his face had disappeared just little. He was currently talking to two young ladies who happened to be wearing one pillowcase worth of material between them. He was actually quite enjoying their company until…
 
“So why are you wearing a skirt?” asked the girl reaching out and grabbing the material.
 
“It’s a kilt! D’ya ken?” he said a little angrily before taking a sip of his whisky.
 
The girl looked confused and asked, “who’s ken?”
 
“Naw, d’ya ken!” the girls shook their heads.
 
Gawain rolled his eyes and headed over to the bar, knocking back his whisky. “Another wan!” he said to the barman before leaning on the bar next to Kay…and had to blink, “here sparkles, d’ya ken Edward Cullen?”

[kay]

"Oh aye, I d'ken Edward Cullen!" Kay replied, without a beat, doing a rather poor imitation of the man's thick brogue. Normal people would have questioned a random Scotsman approaching them and asking them if they knew about Edward Cullen, but then, Kay wasn't normal people. He raised his glass up high and proposed a toast in the middle of the restaurant.

"To Edward Cullen!" And then he downed his whine class in one gulp.

Of course, the excruciatingly proper atmosphere was not at all pleased with his display and he received several dirty looks, but Kay either ignored them or returned them with a playful week. He beckoned to the stranger.

"Come! Sit with me! Let us discuss sparkly vampires."

[Deleted]

Gawain liked they guys style. Not the clothes however, the way he didn’t seem to care what anyone else around him thought about him, which was brilliant in a place where you were supposed to care what everyone else thought about you. Laughing Gawain did take a seat beside the outrageous man, the bartender placing his drink in front of him. “And wan fer ma mate here as well,” said Gawain sitting down at the table, “make it a double of whit ever he’s drinking.”

Turning to face the sparkly coated man he said, “I dinnae actually ken much aboot the sparkly vampires, ma cousin though, he loves those films and books, he made me watch them. I dinnae like them, mostly cause o’ that Edward Cullen.”

Knocking back the whisky he continued, “I mean tae say, if I wis an immortal, right? And I had all these powers and sh**, then I wid be using them tae get aaaaaaalll the lassies, d’ya ken? Like, wit’s the point in settling doon with Bella? She’s boring and whiney and clearly he should just hook up wi’ the wereworld cause damn that is hotness. Wid have made fer a much better read in ma opinion. Or else why not make the whole thing aboot the blonde lassie vampire and the big hulk of a vampire. Much better. D‘ya ken?”

[kay]

Kay blinked.

He had once prided himself on his ability to understand someone with even the poorest diction or the thickest accent, but for the life of him, he only caught half of what this man was saying -- and that was being generous. For a moment, even Special Kay himself was speechless, but he couldn't just keep sitting there, staring stupidly at the newcomer across the table, so he started doing what Kay did best (actually, he was only slightly better at it than most people, but that's not the point) and started improving.

"Yeah! They were all so smexy with their sparkly abs. I plan to get Taylor Lautner alone and do some naughty, naughty things to that boy." He leaned over the table towards the man and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, just in case he had missed it. "And them I'm going to through some condoms at Bella and Edward and lock them in a room together. If they do the nasty, then fantastic! Finally! They've been wasting time, but if they don't, then Edward is obviously gay and then he's MINE!" The last word was punctuated with Kay slamming his fist down on the table. "I mean, what straight man pours glitter on himself every morning, doesn't have sex with his mindless girlfriend who practically throws her pheromone-addled self at him and is fixated on another man who walks around shirtless all the time?"

He ended his monologue with a rare moment of dignity, as he swirled his wine and took a delicate sip, before setting down his glass with intrigue.

"Your cousin and my brother should talk." He said, as he was able to catch that part. "He's obsessed with Twilight. Thinks it's romantic, or something. I think he has a fetish for vampires -- won't shut up about the wonders of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, either."

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Gawain nodded his head in agreement, he was nodding so much that he was sure that if his head wasn’t actually attached to his neck then it would be rolling across the bar floor at the moment. Everything the sparkly man said was true and he was just taking a sip of his whiskey when he mentioned Buffy. “That is so strange,” said Gawain looking at the other guy in shock, “my cousin cannae seem to get enough of that programme either! Although, have ye see the main lassie in that wan. Och now she’s a braw lookin’ young thing, that’s fer damn sure.”

The girls that had been speaking with Gawain earlier, feeling slightly put down that his attention had been refocused slowly edged their way closer to the bar, their eyes darting between Kay and the Scot.

“Ah’m Gawain,” said Gawain holding his hand out to the other man, “and can I jus’ say that I love yer coat.”

[kay]

A thought had just planted itself in Kay's mind. He knew that Tintagel was a strange place full of strange people, (including himself) but exactly how many guys who liked Buffy and Twilight were contained within its walls? Yeah...not too many, unless irony was playing a mean trick on them both. Kay decided to take the chance and if it turned out to be awkward later, he would dispel the awkwardness with an impromptu song-and-dance number.

"Tall? Blonde? Far too obsessed with swords and...other phallic objects for any straight man?" He asked.

Of course, Gawain was quickly distracted by the women and Kay would understand perfectly. Attractive men were just as distracting for him. He turned his gaze to follow Gawain's and gave the group of girls the once-over. Why yes, he supposed they were hot stuff.

"Actually, I like men. Sexy men, but I saw earlier how they weren't treating you with all the respect a good Celt like yourself deserves. So here's my plan: I'm your wingman, you get laid and I get laid anyway because I'm that fabulous. Comprendo?

"Thank you!" He said, grasping the hand that was offered and shaking it. "I'm Special Kay."

[Deleted]

“Aye that’s the wan,” said Gawain his eyes narrowing in suspicion, good humoured suspicion, “yer brother windae happen tae be Prince Arthur Pendragon of Camelot?”

Before he could continue that line of questioning however, Kay had pointed out the women who had been edging closer to them. Listening to the man Gawain began to grin as he proposed his plan, shaking the man’s hand he said, “well, special Kay, I didnae care very much fer wit the lassies were saying earlier, so I’m more inclined tae just ignore them.”

Leaning forward he ‘accidentally’ placed a hand on Kay’s arm, “and who says ye need silly wee lassies like that tae get laid. Ye see, I‘ve got only wan taste, and that taste, is fer everything.”

[kay]

Kay leaned over the table and narrowed his eyes, to match those of Gawain's. It was rather comical, like the scene in an old Western where the white-hatted hero and his black-hatted nemesis were staring each other down before they drew their guns...and where kicked out into the street to completely go through with theisor duel. "And your cousin wouldn't happen to be Prince Arthur Pendragon of Camelot?" He said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

Ooh...so Gawain wasn't just interested in the lassies. This indeed held for an interesting turn of events. Of course, Kay was not going to refuse his advances. On the contrary, he felt the familiar prickle of excitement flair in the pit of his stomach as he flashed the man a smile.

"We're not really related. He's actually my stepbrother." He added, just in case the whole cousin thing would scare Gawain off. His eyes flicked back to the girls a short distance away with a look that clearly said, "He's mine now, wenches!" and then turned his attention back on Gawain.

"Sooo...you hungry, handsome?"

Seriously...was all of Camelot gay as the fourth of July?

[Deleted]

“He is!” said Gawain excitedly, it was a small world after all.
 
Taking another long drink of his whisky he then continued with, “Unfortunately he’s my actual cousin. I hae the unfortunate burden of actually being related tae the guy. My mammy is his daddy’s sister.”
 
Gawain had heard of the wards of Uther Pendragon, wasn’t there two of them? A girl as well, if this was the brother what could the sister be like? As Gawain drifted off into a little daydream thinking about that the girls glared at Kay and inched a little closer.
 
“Aye, I’m starvin’, I could eat a whole-“
 
“Gawaaaaaain,” said one of the girls, “who’s your shiny new friend?”
 
“Where we boring you?” said the other moving to stand beside Gawain whilst the other one stood in the way of the Scot and Kay.

[kay]

Kay flashed Gawain another flirtatious smile. "Well, it just so happens that your cousin is my brother, but it's not like we're related, so it's not like you and I are related either. It's convenient, isn't it? That we both know him, but neither of us are--" Oh, brilliant, cue the re-entrance of the girls.

"Hello ladies." Kay purred, not taking his eyes off of Gawain. Normally, he would have wingman-ed (and then gone out to the gay club and scored someone for himself) or he would have charmed them, or distracted two of them while his friend went for the woman he really wanted, but not tonight. If he was picking up the vibes he thought he was picking up, Scottish knights were sexy, with their kilts and thick accents and he wasn't letting this one go without a fight.

"Do you know about Camelot?" He continued, still addressing the female intruders, but not taking his eyes off Gawain. "It's a funny place. Lovely, but funny. Some people say it's a particularly queer place, I'll have you know..."

[Deleted]

The statement went completely over the heads of the two girls however it did make Gawian burst out into fits of laughter which echoed around the room…causing the group to receive a few snooty glares. “Aye ye got that right,” said Gawain loudly, grinning at Kay.

The girls, not happy that they weren’t in on the joke pouted a little, one of them trailing her hand up and down Gawain’s arm, whilst the other sat down on Kay’s lap. The one on Kay’s lap wrapped her arms around his neck and said, “So handsome, wanna buy me a drink?”

Gawian was listening to the other girl that was whispering something into his ear. Once again he burst out laughing and said, “Aw lass, naw I dinnae think so, mostly cause,” he gestured to her chest, “I dinnae think they’re big enough.”