What's the Return Policy? (Evil Step Mother)

[neon1]

You couldn't really burn a bottle of wine, or a box of chocolates. Or tin, for that matter. Not in the sort of fire you could cook up in a fireplace. Not without magic. If he'd known what Gandalf, Doc would most likely have given the wizard something stupid, like a jewel incrusted iPhone case. He wouldn't have ever used it, would have found it stupid, and would definitely have not appreciated the jewels, but Doc wouldn't have even cared.

Still, he took a great amount of satisfaction in breaking everything into tiny little pieces and piling it up in the basket. He left the ribbon on though. It added a touch of class to the wreck. Seemed appropriate.

The dwarf didn't bother knocking. "Eve," he said in greeting, swinging the basket beside him and scattering bits of plastic and tin over the floor. "You've upgraded on apples, I see." The ex jewel miner smiled winningly as he dropped the basket and everyone on it onto her desk.

Doc was not a hateful person. There were exceptions of course. Well, one, who he had thought was dead, and who was apparently very much alive and sitting in an office at his school.

Last time he'd seen her, she'd been a crone trying to drop a huge rock on him and his friends after killing their ward, their Snow. Needless to say, he had just been so thrilled to find she was not only alive, but coming to poison the minds of a whole new generation of characters. The pickaxs on his wall had seen a whetstone for the first time in years.

[Deleted]

Was there to be no end to the people walking in to her office unannounced.? Failing that, was there to be no end to people form her past returning. First the hunter, then Snow White and now this little man, and there was no mistaking who he was. On no, she knew exactly who he was, little as he may be, she knew who he was. She didn’t know exactly which one he was, there were seven after all, but he was definitely one of the dwarves that had helped poor little Snow.

Well, more fool him.

Eve looked at the ruined basket, or what was left of it that he had thrown on her desk in front of her. The look of annoyance that had crossed over her face as he entered was quickly replaced by something quite different as she looked at the basket. It was a look of sadness. She glanced at the Dwarf before quickly turning her attention back to the basket.

“Yes, I…I suppose I have,” she said, her voice trembling a little.

Pulling what was left of the b asked towards her she started to sort through the remains delicately, saying, “Thank you for returning it to me…I’m sorry you didn’t accept it but…I…I completely understand.”

Oh this was going to be fun.

[neon1]

It took Doc a moment to register what Eve was doing, and his eyebrows lifted slightly in suprise. He had come from the tale where she'd pulled this whole helpess old woman schtick! His eyes hardened in an instant, and he inwardly checked himself. Last time he'd seen her, she had tried to kill him. Hardly the sort of person to let his guard down around, even if it was only for a second. "Do you now?" He asked lightly, stuffing his hands in the pockets.

Watching her sort threw the scraps of packaging and the remnants of the food it had contained, Doc's mouth pressed into a thin line, curling down at the corners. He was a trained psychatrist, and she was trying to pull this sorrowful thing on him? "Bit of a suprise, seeing you again," he went on, looking around as he rocked on his heels and doing an excellent imitation of someone asking about the weather. "Got rid of the white hair and the hunch back though. Pity you couldn't fix the nose."

And that was petty, it really was, but she was just so.. so not crushed by a huge boulder. It had been such poetic justice, and now she was here at school and looked younger then he did and giving everyone chocolates. So much for justice.

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Oh the little dwarf was going to get it. He was heading straight for the jugular and all she wanted to do was lift him up and throw him through the window. How dare he pass remark on her appearance how dare he at all, had he looked in a mirror recently. Who could ever fall in love with that? Now wasn’t the time however to bring up such grievances, she was attempting to appear remorseful and sad…it was annoying how hard it was to keep that up.
 
His light tone hadn’t escaped her and she knew from that that he little dwarf wouldn’t be fooled twice, that much was clear. When he insulted her appearance rather than rage like she normally would she looked at him with a somewhat worried expression her other hand flying up to touch said nose, feeling it’s size and hiding it from view.
 
“Yes…well…if I have learned anything it is that magic cannot solve everything, you have to look within,” she said not meeting his eyes as if it was too much for her, “And how have you kept these long years? Well I see, you are looking better than ever, the mine must be doing well.”
 
She was making this up as she went along, she knew they had a mine, whether it was doing well or not didn’t concern her. Although she made a mental note to find out if he refused to tell her. She wondered if it would be worth investing in…

[neon1]

She was good, very good. Didn't even need a potion to disguise herself this time. Doc watched her with an unreadable expression as she touched her nose in what, for all he knew, was a real moment of self consciousness. She had tried to kill an innocent girl for being prettier than her, after all. Looks, to some people, were important. When you'd spent most of your life working in the gloom with your friends it seemed decidedly less so.

Was she suggesting that she'd given up magic? She looked younger than he did! "And so I suppose all this" he gestured to her face with a stoney expression, "is just the result of good skin care? They've done truly remarkable things with moisturizers, but this is just above and beyond."

The comment about the mine made him scowl, and he stared even harder to see what her thoughts were behind such a remark. "We're all still managing to get by, he said slowly, "Though they've had to find a new quality inspector." He would not be used against his friends, and hell be on those who tried to do otherwise.

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The little man was just as irritating as he always had been. Once again she had to fight the urge to give up the act now and move on, but she wanted to see if he would fall for it. Maybe he was just too smart, she never expected it of the dwarves but she supposed anyone could get an education these days. Looking down at the table she said, “It’s true I…I’m a still a slave to my vanity, but I am trying, I really am trying to change that. It’s just so hard…”

As he spoke about the mine she tried to look interesting and actually pulled it off despite the fact that she was yawning on the inside. Quality inspector? Who cared. A mine was a mine, it was dark and horrible and every now and then there was a pretty jewel. She was sorry she asked. “And how are the rest of you?” she said, trying to show genuine concern, maybe coming up a little short on that one (ha, short), “happy, bashful, the narcoleptic, the hypochondriac, the anger management issue one and the one that was dropped as a child.”

…so maybe she couldn’t really keep it up for long.

With a smirk she motioned to the seat in front of her and said, “Won’t you sit down?”

[neon1]

Doc's face remained set at the whole recovering addict routine. He'd seen real addicts trying to reform, or scam him or other doctors for drugs, and somehow Eva just wasn't on their level. "It must be so difficult for you," he deadpanned, raising thick eyebrows.

Did this work often? He had to wonder. There were always people who'd fall for a junkie's sob story, were there people who honestly believed this woman was something other than totally selfish and more than a little bit evil?

Obviously. She had been hired. As an ethics teacher.

The dwarf's expression only grew darker as she continued to ask about his friends, hands balled into heavy fists. Ok, sure, so Dopey was a little different but that guy was a genius when it came to crosswords, and NO ONE ever saw that coming! "How's the mirror?" he shot back, voice rough. "Though I suppose you don't ask who's the fairest in the land any more. You'd be dead before it finished listing everyone. This place does have Angelina Jolie after all."

He glanced at the chair and thought about it. Wasn't like he could do much about the height difference, though if he'd ever wanted to look down his nose at someone it was right now. "I'll stand, thanks." he said. He'd have to pull himself up like a toddler getting out of a swimming pool and for some strange reason he'd prefer not to look so, well, undignified in front of this woman. But neither did he want to spend much longer in her company. Her voice had taken on the quality of oil and was slicking over his skin.

"I want you to stay away from Snow." He finally said, eyes hard as the diamonds he used to mine. "Or I'll find a bigger boulder."

[Deleted]

The Mirror.

He didn’t know then, he didn’t know who the Mirror had been and how it had paid for that little bout of teasing. Well there was no use enlighten him just now, she could maybe use it to her advantage later on, if she ever had need of her little shape shifting assistant again. At present he was currently busy running the rest of her estates which were, quite substantial.

Her composure not breaking she said, “The Mirror is…well…shattered shall we say? And you are quite right, it won’t be making any comments like that in the near future.”

When he threatened her she couldn’t help it, she was trying to be so good, but that, that was just…

She burst out laughing. “Oh please, I have much more important things to worry about than dearest little Snow,” she said waving hand as if waving the matter away, “your little darling queen is of no consequence to me so you can put down your hackles lap dog.”

Folding her arms on the desk and resting her head on them she considered Doc, looking him up and down. “You care about her don’t you? I mean, you really care about her…” she said smiling a little, “did she even remember your name? Could she even look you in the eye? Little Snow isn’t so little anymore, she’s grown up, she has a husband, she has children. That sort of thing changes a woman…and I’ve seen her, she’s changed…and not necessarily for the better…and that’s coming from me.”

[neon1]

Lap dog? He'd been called worse, but her tone had the hair on the back of Doc's neck rise. And it stung because, even with all his training in being able to deal with sociopaths and shrug off whoever thought making fun of the little man was hilarious, the dwarf was suddenly aware that his devotion to Snow might be ludicrous, laughable, even pathetic to those on the outside looking in.

Maybe even to Snow. And that thought in particular found a chink in his armor and wormed its way inside, though he'd be buggered with his own pick ax before he'd let this harpy see that.

"I know about all that," the dwarf snapped, then clamped his jaw closed as he took a breath. Easy, count to ten. Think of diamonds and sapphires. Don't let her get to you. You didn't even have a name until Walt worked his magic. "And while I'm sure you're an excellent judge of character, I'm going to stick with what I know. You're evil, and you're around children."

Children he was responsible for. "If you mess with one of the students," he said finally, voice rough as granite, "it will not be pretty. I don't know why you're here, but I will not let you try to ruin any more lives."

A big speech for a little man.

[Deleted]

Always this obsession with ‘evil’. It was a word that got kicked around her, that clung to her like a bad smell that wouldn’t leave, and yet it had no meaning to her. What was evil? It was something that had bothered her in the beginning, seeing her actions merely as those that any sane person would take, to protect themselves, to better themselves, to live life the way it should be. Was that evil? To just want more. Everyone always wanted more, no matter what it was, be it money, love, respect, or peace. People always wanted more. So why should her ‘more’ be any worse than anyone else’s?

It had been put to her once, that maybe it was her actions that caused the word to be so commonly used, rather than what she wanted. Even then, people had done ridiculous things in the name of peace, such as waging wars, how was that any better than what she had done in the name of wealth? And still, despite her reasoning it was something that just wouldn’t go away. She had learned to accept it as just a word with no meaning that people used when they were trying to be ‘mean’ or ‘threatening’ which was laudable coming from a tiny person.

She did not laugh however.

Sitting back in her chair she said, “Since you are so concerned with the welfare of the children I can assure you that like Snow White they are not my concern. I wish to impart a little wisdom on them about the ways of the world, nothing more, they may choose to take it or leave it, I will not force them.”

Reaching into her drawer she took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and proceeded to light one, taking a long drag and politely blowing the smoke away from Doc’s direction. “I know you won’t believe me but this time there is no plan,” she said, looking down at the cigarette, “I am…on vacation from my usual activities. I have no interest in expanding my wealth at the moment I am of a standard of living I am quite comfortable with, nor do I wish to have tiresome trouble of having a husband and some brats…so you see…there really is nothing to worry about.”

She held out the back to him, offering him one of the cigarettes, “Now lets talk about you. What brings you all the way here from the mines? I doubt it was little Snow. Did she even stay in contact with you after my...demise.”

[neon1]

Snow hadn't contacted him, or his friends. And that of course bothered him. It was an easy target to see, the doctor was realising quickly, and one that would continue to make him wince until the issue was addressed.

Rubies, Opals, Lapis Lazuli... hell, think of Amethysts if it will keep your head straight right now.

"If the children are of no concern to you," Doc said slowly, forming each sentence in his mind before speaking to avoid anything rash slipping out, "teaching at a high school might not be the right vocation." Because if she wasn't here for revenge on Snow, why was she here? This woman was a plotter, a planner, a schemer, and he would be damned if he fell for this act. "You'd be more suited elsewhere. Say, a morgue."

It slipped out before he could help it, and Doc visibly clenched his jaw. "I'm here to help the students find their paths," he said as enigmatically as he could. What Would Gandalf Do? Giant eagles were not an option, but answers that just raised more questions certainly were. If only his mind worked in that twisty, smoke-like way, this might be going a little better. Being as tall as his friend wouldn't have hurt either. "And no." It seemed likely she already knew the answer. "She was rather busy trying to learn how to help run a kingdom."

The smell of smoke made his nostrils twitch, but it wasn't unpleasant. Not as pungent as the best weed in the Shire, and he'd had to inhale a lot of that second hand. "I didn't come here to catch up on the past," Doc finally snapped. "I don't know why you're here, and I really don't know why anyone would think to hire you, but you can take me off your list for these," he gestured a spade-like hand at the remains of the gift basket, "And Snow too."

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“Ouch,” she said as he mentioned that a) teaching was not the job for her and b) that she would be better off dead.
 
Neither remark hurt her all that much, she had heard worse in her lifetime and quite frankly both statements were so far off the mark that she just couldn’t bring herself to care. Teaching was something she was especially good at, simply because it was just the same as manipulating, and she was excellent at manipulating. As for the better of dead or in a morgue, she had far too much to offer the world to have it stopped with something so easily avoidable as death.
 
The comment about Snow though gave her a little indication of how her previous remarks had sunk in. So the man was hurting from the slight and was choosing to ignore it by making excuses. Learning how to run her own country? She couldn’t help but laugh at that, especially as he continued to say that the two of them were off her list.
 
“Oh please, Snow run her own country? Most likely she was learning how to sit in the background and smile prettily. She hasn’t got the spine or the determination to do anything else, although I find I may be wrong about that now,” said Eve mulling it over, the new Snow certainly had a little more attitude.
 
After taking another drag of the cigarette she continued, “Now I understand completely where your hostility is coming from, we have both caused the other some pain, those boulders not exactly being a walk in the park, buy I’m sure we can come to some sort of understanding.”
 
Leaning forward and smiling she said, “You don’t like me. I don’t like you. You don’t trust me and I don’t trust me. You want to protect Snow and I want to protect my interests. Recognising these facts perhaps we can move forward from this point and put all this animosity where it belongs. In the past.”
 
Time for the curve ball.

“Let’s have dinner.”

[neon1]

Doc was struggling, he really was. The temper that was always there was bursting at his seams, and while in lesser situations, like in a bar, he would be happy to just let rip on just why Eve should take her horrific opinions on his dear friend and stuff them down the deepest mine shaft in the word. Or Morior. But then Eve might be able to eat a Balrog.

Lost in his own dark thoughts, the dwarf at first thought he'd imagined what she'd said. He looked at her blankly, until the realisation set in. "Dinner." he repeated, disbelief colouring his voice. "From the woman who poisons people. Why..." He stopped, and rubbed the edge of his hand over his brows. "Eve, that's weird. Why would I agree to that? Why would you want to do that?"

She had just said they disliked each other. And it wasn't a you use my pens without asking dislike either, it was a mutual you tried to kill me sort of dislike. No amount of pasta and salad was going to mask that little doozy.

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Eve sat back in her chair and said, “Well I just think if we were in a more civilized surrounding perhaps we could both be more civilized to each other. Not to mention I wouldn’t be able to pull any of my ‘tricks’ on you and vice versa, what with their being a lack of cliff faces in most restaurants. Neutral territory. There is much I want to ask you, but as we have discovered neither of us trust the other, a little dinner, a lot of people around…perhaps we could change that…just a little.”

Smiling and stubbing out the cigarette in the ashtray nearby, “You don’t have to agree right now, have a think about it. I’ll book a table, send you the details and then it is entirely up to you if you want to come. If you don’t you’ll be the second man to turn me down this week.”

The stepmother thought back to the stuck up wizard and couldn’t help but smile a little. “But do think about it, Doc,” she said, through process of elimination she had figured he must be that one, “there are some things I’m sure you would love to know about me and if you turn up I promise to tell the truth, especially about what I plan to get up too here in Tintagel. And there are some things I would like to know about Edward and Henry Charming.”

[neon1]

She had almost swayed him, she had. Metting in natural territory, no tricks. A decent enough idea, if they did have to work together. Though seriously, what did administration DO? No background checks, no checking that EVIL was a part of their name? And he actually smiled slightly; Gandalf had mentioned this too.

But then she mentioned the Charmings and his guard was up as quickly. "I don't discuss students," he said slowly. "Though I suppose you would know Snow's husband is back."

He didn't use his name.

Funny, now he thought about it. Snow White was one of the stories where the prince wasn't the one who saved the princess from the wicked witch. No cliffs, no boulders, and no poison. "I'm going," he said finally, after a moment. Such thoughts were almost shamefully proud; was that her influence too? Either way, the dwarf wanted time to think. Maybe count his rubies again.

"And stop with the gift baskets. It's tacky."