Sugar, Spice, and Everything... (Free for all)

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Happily ever after... now that was a laugh. That’s what they wanted people to believe, and the false dreams they were filling these poor children’s minds with. It was true that they might meet a prince, that they might fall in love and marry, live in a castle and have pretty dresses and servants and all the fame and material items their little hearts desired, but happily ever after? That was hardly a guarantee.

Lining up all the utensils, measuring cups and bowls, Snow White frowned at the ten empty workstations before her. She could tell her students that not all fairytales ended the way they did in the storybooks, but she wasn’t here to teach them anything important about life; she was merely here to teach them to cook. Well, at least it was something she enjoyed, and something she had not done since her time with the dwarves.

Maybe all these children would not all end up like her, maybe some of them would actually get to live happily ever after. It wasn’t her place to disillusion them.

Looking up at the door as the first of her students entered, Snow felt a stab of envy. The girl was young, beautiful and completely carefree, her soft voice raised just slightly in a lovely tune. It had been far too long since Snow had had anything even resembling a song in her heart.


((This is an open tag for as many students up to ten that want to take cooking class))

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Giselle loved to cook! She cooked all the time back home in Andalasia, but most she had to use things that were found in the forest, like nuts and berries. She was quite good at making all kinds of things with nuts in them. Her squirrel and chipmunk friends were so very proud of her. Pip had even declared her the best user of nuts in food, or something like that.

So of course she signed up to take a cooking class. Cooking was just so lovely! She really did love cooking, even if it was only for herself. But it was much more fun for other people. She loved to cook for other people. She was really a much better baker than cook, but it was all so delightful and fun. And she had heard that this was a new teacher and wasn’t that just lovely? It was very lovely. Giselle was quite sure she would be very nice and a very good teacher.

Giselle walked into the classroom, one of her many bird friends on her finger. They were playing just the most delightful game. The blue jay would sing and tune and Giselle would sing it back. It was such a nice game. She really enjoyed singing very much. Then she spotted the woman in the room. “Oh, you must be the teacher! I’m Giselle from Andalasia and you’re very lovely. I’m very excited to be your student. And this is my blue jay friend.” It was always polite to introduce one’s friends.

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If a mirror could show personality rather than the physical being, looking at Giselle would have been like looking at herself from ten years ago. Snow remembered the days she had spent in the courtyard playing the same game with the gathered birds. She remembered how innocent and unaware she had been. Even when her own stepmother had dressed her in rags and made her clean the castle Snow had never complained. To be fair, she had never been aware that anything had been amiss. She had never known her own mother, and if the Queen bid her do something she just figured it was what any good daughter did and went about the task with a song on her lips rather than a complaint.

Oh, if she had only known.

“Hello, Giselle, I am... you may call me Snow,” the older woman replied. It had also been a long time since she had introduced herself so informally, but some how she felt better leaving her name behind in her castle with the life she no longer wanted. “You may choose any station you wish.”

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Before anyone said anything, no, this did not mean Della was going all girly on us. Actually, she had been taking classes like this ever since she arrived at Tintagel/Avalon/whatever the hell it was when she came (for all she knew, she could've forgotten something, this school had given her amnesia before). What? She was a girl who was a few poverty levels away from living on the streets with her father who couldn't hold down a job (try as he did). While yes, takeout was pretty much their best choice half the time, it paid to know how to cook, and Della liked to think she could be better than any fast food cook, seeing as, you know, that wasn't so hard.

Point was, self sufficient people were able to cook, and Della was all about self sufficiency, which is precisely why the minute Westley nagged her into going to university, she decided she was adding this to the list.

The minute she caught sight of another redhead eagerly greeting an older woman who must have been the teacher, however, Della couldn't help but wonder if she had made a dreadful mistake.

Letting out a somewhat agonized sigh, she stepped forward, just sort of waving, because she wasn't really here to make friends with the teacher, at least not as blatantly as the girl who was spewing sunshine over here...and...wait a minute. Did the teacher just call herself "Snow"?

Honestly, Della shouldn't have been surprised anymore, she knew this, but still, it was a lot to take in if you realized you were near a real life fairytale princess, the kind that every little girl wanted to be...

Although it was weird. She had always figured that if she met Snow White, she would be all singing blue jays and rainbows, but here, she seemed far more...mature, as it were. Then again, Merlin had no beard in sight. It was clear that the timelines of fairytales weren't perfectly aligned. Maybe Snow was supposed to be all grown up then.

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Her name was Snow. How lovely! “Oh, that’s a lovely name! Winter is a lovely season and I do so love snow! I miss some of my bird friends that have to fly away because it’s too cold for them, but it’s a lovely time of year. Snow is such a lovely thing to be named after.” She was practically gushing because Winter was such a lovely time of year. It was just so delightful to go outside and build snow animals and princes and castles and princesses. It was such fun! And then to come inside and feel just so warm and cozy and sit by the fire. It was wonderful! And decorating her house with garlands she made fresh every year. It was just so wonderful and fun!

It didn’t seem like Snow was very talkative though and just as Giselle was about to skip off to choose a station another girl walked in and she was lovely too. “Oh hello! Are you in this class too? Isn’t this exciting? I just love cooking, don’t you? It’s simply wonderful! I love to make things for other people too! It’s so much fun!” She smiled delightedly. This class was going to be just wonderful!

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The girl’s voice went right through her. No, it wasn’t really her voice, to be honest. It was her rambling, her personality, and her sheer joy at absolutely everything. Giselle was... exactly how Snow used to be. There had been a time she she had been so light-hearted, so innocent. Every day was a new adventure, every moment a joyous gift. She remembered singing gaily with the birds while doing tiring and menial chores for her Stepmother and thinking nothing of it. She remembered how excited she had been to meet new people and to discover new things. Even the worst night of her life, when the Hunter had bade her to flee or die, that night of terror she had spent running through the dark forest, fearful of every tree and sound, had not been able to dampen her spirit. The next day her heart had been full again, she had been distracted by the cottage, the cleaning and the dwarves. She had thought little of the betrayal of the only mother she knew.

Oh, how age and experience can change a person.

“I do enjoy the crisp, cleanness of my namesake,” Snow offered with a strained smile. To many the winter symbolized death and darkness, but to her it was comfort. The winter was always much more quiet and relaxing, and the live and rebirth that so many longed for with spring she dreaded. Time seemed to speed up, there was always so much to do, and her reprieve always ended so soon.

Relieved when Giselle skipped off, Snow nodded to the new arrival. “Welcome. You may sit where you like,” she said, but her words probably went unheard in another storm of Giselle’s babbling.

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Ohhhhhhh myyyyyyy Godddddd, Della thought, and the look on her face as she watched as poor Snow had to deal with her fellow redhead rambling about the winter. Yes, we got it. You like how crisp and cool and freezing the winter is, can we move along now, because I don't think she's anymore interested in hearing that than I am! Della wasn't precisely a mean person. Not at all. Usually she had the greatest capacity for love and caring, but the fact was that she had very listen patience for incessantly perky people. It was just a fact that people who had any grip on reality weren't nearly that happy. And yes, Della realized she was one to talk about reality when her life was the odd love child of a soap opera and a fairytale, but still!

And oh God, she was coming over to babble to her as well. Della pressed her lips together as tightly as possible while she tried her very best to endure one of her biggest annoyances without feeling the urge to kill. However, what she couldn't resist was her typical sarcasm. "Nope. Walked in here for my health, but hey, guess I'm stuck here," she retorted before looking over at what was probably the only sane person here (which was a rarity among professors here, come to think of it) like 'is she for real?'

Forcing the best smile she could manage under these circumstances, Della responded a bit more politely to Snow, "Yeah, thanks...name's Della, Della Miller." And so she settled down in one of the stations, preferably away from Giselle, because really, the last thing she needed was to be distracted by that high pitched voice of death.

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Giselle thought the other red hair was very pretty. She was very excited that another redhead was in her class because there didn’t seem to be many here. She had been the only one back home too, but she didn’t mind. In fact she was far too excited about cooking class. This would be so much fun!

She blinked at Della in surprise for a moment. Giselle didn’t understand sarcasm so it went right over head. Then she smiled at the girl. “Well I’m sure there could be worse places to get stuck, like in the forest where there are ogres. That’s not very good for your health at all, so it’s good that you came here. Cooking can be very healthy.”

Giselle then skipped away to pick her station which was very close to Snow so that she could learn as much as she could possibly learn. Learning was just so much fun! She couldn’t help it really, she just loved to learn new things! And she really loved cooking! This class was going to be simply wonderful!

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Trying to tune out the two girls as they talked - or rather while Giselle talked and the other, who identified herself as Della, tried to brush the other girl off - Snow looked toward the door again as a few more students filtered in. Once again she found herself wondering why she had taken this position. From what she could tell she should have attended this place years ago while she was still a child, long before she had met her prince. Why had she not known of this place? Why had she not been invited? Maybe her stepmother had not wanted to send her, but Snow thought that the woman would have taken any chance to get rid of her.

She had tried to have her killed, after all.

Smiling at the new students that entered, she offered the same greeting she had the other girls, and instructed they take a seat wherever they pleased. It was then that she noticed that Giselle had chosen the station nearest to her. This was shaping up to be a long class.


((If anyone else wants to join then feel free, but if nobody does by the time the tag comes back to me I’ll just fill the class with NPCs and get on with it. ))

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Della practically breathed sarcasm. Sarcasm was a way of life for her, in fact, and usually the first thing people received from her. Needless to say, Giselle's response took her a few moments to comprehend, because Della had met people who couldn't work computers, who thought that cell phones were powered by magic and people who had to ask exactly how the presidential elections back in the States would work (actually, she remembered finding something endearing about Merlin asking that), but she had never met anyone who flat out didn't understand sarcasm! That wasn't something that was invented with the appearing of modern technology. She was fairly certain that it always existed on some level, so what kind of person couldn't at least tell by Della's tone that she wasn't entirely serious?

The other students that happened to file in were greeted by the sight of Della staring at Giselle like she had sprouted a couple of heads, or like there was perhaps one of those ogres behind her. "I...wasn't being serious," she slowly answered, now wondering if, beyond being perky, if this girl was somehow mentally challenged to boot. Look, Della wasn't what you could specifically call "mean" or anything (and she'd probably ask if that was the best you had if you had), but she was hardly the nicest person either, and had the tendency of being a tad judgemental towards people she had just met. Especially the perky ones who apparently couldn't understand sarcasm.

Dear God, why did she sign up for this class again? You know what? Whatever. She was just going to ignore the other redhead, because she was here to learn, not necessarily to make friends, and she was fairly certain this first impression was bad enough that it was unlikely to happy between herself and this ray of blinding sunshine that was sitting next to her.

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Giselle had never been exposed to sarcasm before. It wasn’t often that she met people in the forest in Andalasia so she had never had anyone be sarcastic towards her. And her animal friends weren’t sarcastic either. Could animals even be sarcastic? Probably not. Not forest animals anyway. They were always sweet and nice without a hint of sarcasm ever.

So of course Giselle didn’t understand sarcasm. She didn’t know what it was and had never come across anything remotely like it. She just thought that people were telling the truth all the time so it only made sense that Della must have really walked into this class for her health. She was like a small child who still didn’t understand sarcasm yet. Perhaps in time she would learn. Or perhaps she wouldn’t. Either way she was very excited for this cooking class to begin. She really did love cooking so and this would be so much fun!

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Once all of her students had arrived and all the stations were filled, Snow closed the door and reclaimed her spot at the front of the room.

“Good morning, class, and welcome to Culinary Arts. My name is Snow White,” she greeted them, a frozen smile on her red lips. “A paper is circulating with your names on it, so if you could all check the spelling and sign by your name then we can get started.”

Slipping an apron over her head, she tied it behind her.

“Let’s start with a bit of housekeeping, shall we?” The question was rhetorical, of course. “Aprons are to be worn at all times that you are working in the kitchen area. Those with long hair must keep it tied back, and there are hats available for those who have short hair or are just so inclined. Now, look around at all the utensils are your stations. Can everyone identify them all?”

((I have no idea how to teach a class, so bear with me. ))

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Giselle listened intently when Snow started class. She hoped to do very well in this class because she really enjoyed cooking very much. She had always cooked for her forest friends back home in Andalasia, but she was quite sure she still had very to learn. She was quite sure that forest animal friends would not be allowed in class even though she liked for them to help her, but she had learned the hard way that teachers didn’t like when she brought her friends to class. Detention hadn’t been completely awful though.

Giselle put and her apron and carefully tied it in a nice tidy bow behind her when Snow began the class. And she was very glad she had had her hair pulled back before class. Her bird friends had helped her to style it ever so carefully. She wouldn’t have wanted them to feel bad if she had had to fix it for class. That would have been awful. She hated to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Giselle looked down at her utensils just to make sure she knew what they all were. She did so she looked up with a bright smile and nodded enthusiastically at Snow. This class was just going to be so much fun

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Della couldn't help but be grateful to Snow when she started talking. Sure, that didn't always stop people from talking, especially annoying people, but Della had the feeling that this Giselle girl was one of those goody two shoes who would probably shut up and listen. Seeing as she wasn't inexperienced in cooking, Della was ahead of her teacher's requests for her to keep her hair up. She hadn't really been one for ponytails for the past few years...she wasn't sure why, actually. Then again, her hair used to be longer...yes, that was probably it.

Still, it wasn't like she carried an apron around everywhere, so she grabbed one of them and put it on without that much ceremony, something that she wouldn't have even thought of if she hadn't noticed that the girl next to her was apparently putting quite a bit of attention to how she tied hers up. Della raised an eyebrow. She was fairly certain she had never seen someone manage to tie a bow that was that perfect outside of cartoons. Oookay, time to stop focusing on something that petty. Just because this girl's just a little creepily perky doesn't mean we need to focus on how she ties her freaking apron, she reminded herself, turning her gaze onto the utensils.

"Seems pretty basic here," she noted, mostly talking to herself. Honestly, she didn't see this as being one of those classes that would be stressful because it was difficult.

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Once all the utensils were identified, the books handed out, and everyone was properly attired, Snow launched into the course outline and initial notes. She spoke easily, answering questions when asked and explaining in the simplest terms possible. She was used to being kind and diplomatic and handled it all well, no matter how stupid the question or inattentive the student.

Finally, with the last half of the lesson, it was time to bake.

“Now, if you will flip open your recipe books to the...” she instructed, but her voice trailed off when she opened her own book, her eyes opening wide at the recipe that greeted her. Now who put that in there? What kind of sick joke was this? Oblivious to the students staring at her, she vehemently tore the page for Apple Crumble from her book, crumpled it up and threw it into the trash. Closing her eyes she took a few deep breathes before raising her head again and plastering a slightly too bright smile on her face. “Mudpies. It’s a simple recipe, no actually baking required.”

Seeing some of the clueless faces that were still staring back at her, she felt the need to clarify. “Nor real mud.”