Post by telemain on Apr 6, 2012 23:58:37 GMT -5
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Greetings, kings, queens, wanderers and bitchy little harlots (you know who you are). My name is Peregrine, but everyone calls me Pip and I am the village idiot. I am highly sarcastic, inappropriate and obnoxious. He writes in the third person a lot. Do not thread with me unless you plan on losing your sanity and any stranglehold you might have had on reality. In fact, you're going to lose it anyway. I have a very busy life, so I don't always have time for you lot, but just let me know and I'll do my best to get some awesome threadage going.
Thanks!
Pip.
P.S. I write size-able posts, but I don't really write novels or one-liners. I have no qualms with you writing them: just know that although I will roughly match you in post length, I'm going to punch out a thousand words in every post just because someone, somewhere thinks it's trendy and hipster.
Meet Telemain, a nerdy, dorky teenage boy who's blossoming into a handsome young man, but he really doesn't know what to do with himself. He's unsure if boys get periods, is soon to discover the wonders of alcohol and he doesn't know why anyone would want to put their pee-pee into anyone else's pee-hole, because seriously, that looks painful and it can't be healthy. But apart from his awkward adolescent thoughts, he's an amazing talented magician for his age and he's ridiculously smart. He is also known for being innocently bold and asking lots of inappropriate questions in the name of science! The science of magic, that is!
- He's is one of Gandalf's apprentices. He thinks the wizard is the smartest person ever, who knows everything there is to know about socially succeeding. He has recently taken to telling Gandalf about everything that is going on in his life, much to the wizard's displeasure. He respects him and carries out all his
demandsscholarly requests, even though he might not always agree with him.- He has a mancrush on Eric and thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. Eric took him shopping and educated him on personal grooming and fashion and now Telemain's all about looking 'professional'...and hero-worshiping Eric.
- He's working for the Grayle Corporation, researching Portal Theory.
- He is not Henry Charming biggest fan, as he finds him uneducated, unpleasant and a bigot. He's worried that Henry will physically assault him and he has a few spells in his back pocket now, in case he ever needs to hex him...in self-defense, of course...
THREADS
- These Skinny Jeans Are Fierce...bro, in which Eric takes Telemain shopping.
- Playing With the Big Boys Now Telemain goes for his first meeting at the Grayle Corporation.
- My Little Wizard: Music is Magic, in which Merlin and Telemain meet and nerdgasm over spells.
- The Awkward Moment When You're Nearly Naked, in which Telemain is locked out of his dorm...in nothing but a towel.
I Feel French, in which Telemain is reading Les Miserables and feeling lonesome in the Crossroads Cafe.- Boys Like Fridges: Once A Week You Should Stalk Them, in which Telemain is stalking his
mancrushEric and ends up stalking Westley instead.- Crap, I'm Late, in which Telemain is under the impression that Little Bo Peep is out to rape him.
- The Wizard and I, in which Telemain visits Gandalf in his office, Gandalf gives him an assignment, explains masturbation to him and advices him not to drink lion urine.
- Snap, Crackle..., in which Telemain meets Gandalf and they
fight crime togetherdraw sharpie on vandals' faces.- What Is This Exercise You Speak Of?, in which Telemain tries to be that hunky guy at the gym and instead Henry Charming makes him cry.
And this is Kay, Mr. Inappropriate. Everything is sexual with Kay (and I mean, everything. He spends way too much time running around being a spaz and wasting other people's time. That's why they call him "Special Kay". Anyway, he's a struggling musical theater actor who is currently working as the "understudy" for the Sexual Education class and he plans on teaching a lot and going on plenty of "field trips". Plot with him at your own risk: you may never be the same afterwards.
- Kay is Morgana's twin brother, younger by five minutes and more flamboyant by a million leagues. He is Arthur's stepbrother, even though he doesn't know yet that Arthur is actually his half-brother and Uther is actually his and Morgana's biological father. He currently has a good relationship with both of his siblings and he has long suspected that Arthur is gay or bi, at the very least.
- Kay is a highly sexual being. As a rule, he will have sex with anyone who can consent, even though he is openly, obviously gay and is only attracted to men.
THREADS
- Lifestyles of the Drunk and Horny, in which Kay meets Gawain and things get weird.
- Obvious Influences, in which Dory meets Kay and the world is never the same.
- Keep It Sassy, Keep It Happy, Keep It Gay, in which Kay takes Arthur to gay night at the rave and tries to get him to come out.
- Just Your Special, Neighborhood Super Kay, in which Kay is in an elevator, telling people that he's a super hero. Elaine happens upon him.
- Pour Me Something Tall and Strong, in which Kay buys Levain a drink.
- Run Right Into You, in which Morgana tracks down Kay in the Rave.
Meet Legolas Greenleaf, Eleven Prince of Mirkwood and resident fashionista. Although he has the skills of an exquisite warrior, Legolas is more fabulous than fiercesome. Indeed, he spends most of his time in front of a mirror, perfecting his blonde hair or writing in his "Fashion Journal", which he has turned into a blog. Legolas is superficial and vain and teaches the 'Fashion and Cosmetology' Class. His primary mode of transportation is his bright red Ferrari or his pet unicorn, Twinkletoes, but when he is on foot, he prefers to dance from place to place, rather than walk. Legolas is both blunt and open with his opinion on everyone to everyone and is known to start and fuel rumors. As a proud meterosexual, he will only date women with exquisite fashion taste, although no one has come close to having his genius eye...yet.
- Legolas used to stalk all of the fellowship, but then he got bored and stopped.
THREADS
- Gayer Than Twilight, in which Legolas redecorates Gandalf's officeand Gandalf isn't impressed.
- Come Bask in the Wonder of My Hair, in which Jormungandr is introduced to Legolas' golden locks of wonder.
