Let's Go To The Movies! (Arkady)

[Dusty Fae]

Dusty regretted sayin’ anythin’ the minute the words were outta her mouth. By gum, why did she have ta go say that? She shouldn’ta said that. She were gonna get ‘erself inta hot water, she knew it. No one just said things like that and then expected the other person not ta ask what on earth she were talkin’ ‘bout. It were stupid of ‘er ta even think that Arkady might not ask. O’ course he would ask. Anyone in their right mind would ask. And how were she supposed ta tell ‘im? Just blurt it out? Or were she supposed ta lead up to it? Were she supposed ta tell ‘im her whole life story, all in one go?

No, she needed ta calm down and think fer a second here. What would ‘er momma do? She’d stay calm, that’s what ‘er momma’d do. Momma always staed calm. But this were all her momma’s fault in the first place! She woulda never been in this mess if’n it were fer her momma. Yes, that’s what this were a mess.

She didn’t want anyone knowin’. This place were a fresh start, a chance ta start over and here she were facin’ the thing she’d most wanted ta leave behind in Los Avalos. It’d been hangin’ over her head long ‘fore she were born and it seemed like it’d never leave. Never ever.

She weren’t sure she wanted ta tell Arkady. How did yah tell someone that you were a child o’ sin? That you were born on the wrong side o’ the blanket so ta speak, without even knowin’ who yer father was? If’n Arkady had any sense he’d run away right now and never look back. Why couldn’t he see that she didn’t deserve this? She didn’t deserve ta be this happy or treated like…like somethin’ she weren’t.

But she did owe ‘im so kinda explanation. “If I tell yah, yah gotta promise not ta tell a soul. No one can know. Please.” The last thing she wanted was fer her ta be known as the daughter of a Saloon girl. She didn’t want that kinda reputation. She didn’t want a reputation atall.

[Deleted]

He had known it was a mistake even before he’d asked, and the longer the silence stretched out the more apparent that fact became. Was it too late to take it back? He could just say that it didn’t matter, that she didn’t have to tell him if she didn’t want to. He could say a million things that would relieve her of answering, of telling him anything personal that might... that might what? That might make him feel sorry for her? That might make him feel for her, period?

Too late for that...

Before he could get the words out, any words at all, it was Dusty who broke the silence... and just made everything way worse than it already was. It was a big secret, whatever this was that she was offering to tell him, and one that she was clearly terrified of anyone finding out. Arkady’s heart seemed to beat a little faster because he was pretty sure he was terrified of hearing it himself. Yet there was still a tiny part of him, somewhere deep inside that he tried to hard to suppress, that wanted to know; that wanted to know more about her. He hated that part of himself.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he blurted out. Taking a deep breath, he squeezed her hands gently. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I won’t be upset.”

[Dusty Fae]

She’d known all along that she’d have ta tell someone her secret eventually. Someone was bound ta find out, even if’n she were the only one here from Los Avalos. Someone would find out eventually, if’n they were given enough time. She’d always known that. Back home it seemed like even the newcomers could tell there was somethin’diff’rent ‘bout ‘er. And here she were still plenty diff’rent, but no one knew. No one had found out.

She’d been given a chance ta start over again and make somethin’ of ‘erself. She weren’t bound down by the weight of ‘er momma’s choices. But she had planned ta tell Arkady all along. If’n this lasted then he’d have ta know at some point. Maybe it were better said now.

“I was gonna tell yah anyhow,” she admitted. “Eventually. But now’s as good a time as any.” She trusted Arkady. He had never shown ‘er that she shouldn’t trust ‘im, but she were awful nervous. She didn’t want ‘im ta look at ‘er diff’rent when she told ‘im. She didn’t want things ta change. But that were a possibility. It were also a possibility that he could hate her for it. And it were also possible that he wouldn’t care, though that seemed the least likely. People always cared ‘bout that sorta thing. It were a stupid thing ta care about, but she couldn’t stop people from carin’ ‘bout silly things. She were only one girl. And it weren’t like the world were gonna change overnight.

“You have to promise you won’t tell anyone,” she repeated. She didn’t want everybody else ta know. Ever if’n she could help it. She never wanted ta deal with the looks and the whispers behind ‘er back again.

[Deleted]

She was going to tell him anyway; she wanted to tell him, and she was making him promise not to tell anyone, swearing him to secrecy. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like it at all. He didn’t want to know anymore, he didn’t want her to tell him.

Just tell her you’d rather not know, that whatever it is it doesn’t matter, he tried to coach himself, but it was no use. He couldn’t say that to her, it would ruin everything. If she wanted to tell him, to trust him with this big secret then he had to listen, he had no choice. To tell her he didn’t want to know would be as good as pushing her away and it wasn’t time for that yet; not now, not like this.

“Okay,” Arkady said quietly. Whatever it was, he had to listen. Whatever she wanted to tell him, he had to hear it. “I promise.”

If only he meant it. He didn’t, did he? He hadn’t kept a promise for the past few years, so why start now? Whatever it was he could use it when the time came, strike her deeper than he could have on his own, throw whatever secrets, whatever shame she had right back at her in front of everyone. It would be glorious.

So why did his stomach turn at the very thought of it?

[Dusty Fae]

Arkady promised and now she had to tell ‘im. She had to. She couldn’t turn back now. She’s started this thing and now she had ta finish it. And she needed to tell ‘im ‘fore her resolve left her completely and she backed down.

Dusty took a deep breath, tryin’ ta figure out what ta say. Every good story starts at the beginnin’ so that was where she needed ta start too. “My momma were an orphan,” she began. “She grew up in an orphanage but she couldn’t stay there forever so when she turned eighteen she had ta leave and the closest place were Los Avalos. So she went there.”

Tryin’ ta explain her world to Arkady were provin’ to be difficult. She thought for a moment before continuin’, ‘cause this next part were the most important part o’ the whole story amd she needed ta get it right. It needed ta be just right. “My momma needed ta find a job, but it really ain’t easy fer unmarried women. There ain’t many people that hire unmarried girls without families. But momma did find work, over at the Saloon. She were a dancer there.” And this was where it got tricky.

This was the part that Dusty didn’t wanna admit, so she looked away from Arkady. She couldn’t look at ‘im. “But she weren’t just a dancer. None o’ the girls in the Saloon were ever just dancers or singers. They’re uh, good time gals, if yah catch my drift. And it’s the reason I ain’t got a daddy. My momma don’t know who ‘e is.”

She’d done it. Her secret were out. It were out, but she still were nervous, ‘cause she’d done said her bit. Now she’d have ta wait fer Arkady’s reaction.

[Deleted]

She was taking too long, the silence was excruciating. Arkady wanted to run, to change the subject, to fake a heart attack - anything that would keep this conversation from happening. For a moment his eyes were practically wild as he tried frantically to think of a way out of this; luckily Dusty was distracted with her own thoughts and didn’t notice.

Then she started talking, and Arkady started... to relax. Her mother was an orphan? Well, that wasn’t so bad! Technically both his parents had grown up that way. Sure, it wasn’t the best with so many people here with such long, distinguished lineages to look down on them, but it wasn’t that horrible.

Hypocrite.

But that wasn’t the end of the story; it was barely the beginning. The picture became clearer with each word she spoke, and before she even finished Arkady had figured out the punchline. He grew up in Paris, after all; he knew all about ‘dancing girls’, though many of the ‘good time gals’, as Dusty put it, in Paris didn’t bother with formal jobs or establishments. In many areas, if you wanted one you need only walk out into the street at night.

So that was it, then: her mother was a prostitute and Dusty had been the product of one of her jobs. It explained why they were so close, it had always been just the two of them. Maybe it explained a lot if he really wanted to think about it.

He really didn’t.

So what was he supposed to do now? What was he supposed to say to that? She was obviously waiting for some kind of reaction but he had no idea what reaction to give. Letting out a long, loud breath, Arkady ran a hand back through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck while he thought.

“It’s okay,” he said after a long moment. Facing her, he reached out and hooked his index finger through hers; a small gesture, not too much but hopefully not too little. “Everyone here is from different places, and I don’t know what it’s like in Los Avalos, but there’s one thing that’s the same everywhere: people will do whatever they had to to survive. There’s no shame in that.”

[Dusty Fae]

What had she done? What had she gone and done? What would Arkady think of ‘er now? Sure, he’d liked ‘er when ‘e thought she were just another girl from a nice family. But she weren’t just another girl from a nice normal family. She hardly had a family. She was a child of sin and he should just walk away and leave ‘er if’n ‘e knew what were good for ‘im. If ‘e knew what were good for ‘im he’d run away right now and never look back and never speak to ‘er ever again.

But Dusty really hoped he wouldn’t. Fer once she didn’t want someone talkin’ ‘bout ‘er behind ‘er back and sayin’ things they didn’t know anythin’ about. She didn’t want people ta tolerate ‘er just ‘cause they had to and ‘cause it were the Christian thing to do. She just wanted someone ta get ta know ‘er ‘fore they started passin’ judgements on ‘er character, but it weren’t like that fer most people.

And good lord it were takin’ Arkady a long time ta say anythin’. She hoped and prayed he wouldn’t run away or tell ‘er she were just as bad as ‘er momma. She hoped for anythin’ other’n that. He were sure takin’ ‘is time. She shouldn’t have told ‘im after all. It were a bad idea. He was gonna turn away from ‘er just like everyone else. And she deserved. Children of sin didn’t deserve ta be happy. They were sinners and should be shunned from society.

And then, finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke. And he said that it was okay. It was okay. What did that mean? She looked at ‘im with a mixture of confusion and surprise. No one reacted like this. No one told ‘er that it were okay. And he wasn’t pullin’ away from ‘er. He weren’t runnin’ away. No, instead he reached out and hooked ‘is finger through one a hers. She coulda kissed ‘im fer that.

So what Arkady were sayin’, kinda, were that it didn’t matter. Her momma had done right by ‘er in the end, no matter which way they ended up where they were. And fer Dusty, that meant this right here were absolute and total acceptance of who she was and ‘er past and all of it. She were so happy she could cry. But not wantin’ ta cry, instead she reached out and wrapped ‘er arms ‘round Arkady, huggin’ ‘im. And then she whispered the only thing she could think to say. “Thank you.”

[Deleted]

Arkady wasn’t sure what to expect for a reaction. Part of him expected her to burst into tears, though all of him hoped that didn’t happen. Instead she hugged him, and somehow he thought that just might be worse. Had she cried he would have had to comfort her, but he could have been annoyed while doing so and annoyed was good. The hugging, though, and the whispered thank you... they made him feel horrible. It had obviously taken a lot for her to tell him with, and it was more obvious that she was used to people reacting badly. Did they shun her? Insult her mother? Her? Tell her she was disgusting, sinful, wrong? Just the thought of it, of people saying these things to her made him uneasy and... angry. He felt bad for her, nobody should be treated that way, and if he heard someone even breathe a harsh word in her direction on the subject then he might have to get a little rough with them.

What was he thinking? Did that somehow make him honourable that he wanted to defend her? That he hated everyone who insulted her and looked down on her? Did it somehow make him admirable that he wanted to protect her from them while he himself had so much worse planned for her? He wasn’t honourable, or admirable; he was a hypocrite, a selfish little liar who didn’t know what he wanted or what to do with himself. Everything he said and did was a lie while Dusty didn’t seem to have a dishonest bone in her body. She was one of the few truly good, pure people in the world.

What am I doing?

While all this ran through his head at lightening speed, Arkady had wrapped his arms around Dusty and held her close, one hand soothingly running up and down her back. Now he pulled back just far enough to kiss her softly, gently.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” he said quietly, because what else could he say? Now more than ever he needed this night to end. He needed to be far away from her, he needed time to think, because right now only one thought stuck out more prominently than all the other jumbled, contradicting ones that were bouncing around in his head: he was in deep trouble.

[Dusty Fae]

Dusty needed ta be held so she were relieved when that was exactly what Arkady did. He held her and that were all she needed. He didn’t care. He didn’t care ‘bout who ‘er momma was or what she’d done or any o’ that like ever’body else seemed to. He didn’t care and that was what made ‘im diff’rent from anyone else she’d ever known.

Arkady were wonderful and anyone who said otherwise were lyin’. That were the truth. Arkady were just too wonderful. He were the most wonderful person she’d ever known. She loved the way he knew how ta make ‘er feel better. And the way he kissed ‘er, softly like that. Yes, this were right. All were well with the world again. And she were happy.

She pulled away from Arkady, but took ‘is hand. She needed somethin’ ta hold onto and his hand seemed right. “Alright,” she said softly, completely unaware of Arkady’s inner struggle. “Let’s go then,” she said softly startin’ ta walk along again. And she didn’t even mind the quiet.