Hoop Dreams (Gaston Jr.)

[Gaston Jr]

“Why not?” he said, watching her dribble the ball towards him, he reached out and batted it with his hand just as it was returning to Gwyn’s hand.

Grabbing it he then dribbled it as far away from her as possible, surprised that even he was able to knock it out of her hands. It wasn’t very often he got one up on the other girl in physical competitions but that one might have knocked her confidence a bit. Not that he really wanted her to feel bad, he didn’t want that at all, but she would be even more annoyed if she knew that he was holding back. It must be difficult for her back home, without the independence that Tintgael offered. He imagined she must feel so patronised by the men whom she could run rings around but couldn’t prove it to them. Sometimes he wondered if she would be better off spending her summer in the Summer Country, then she could show them…and that wasn’t such a terrible idea…it would be nice to have one of his friends around…to maybe stop Mordred picking on him.

“You don’t shy away from any challenge, and this would be the greatest one you’ve faced yet,” he said grinning and dribbling the ball on the spot, “don’t tell me you’re afraid? Gwyn, the fearless one, I challenge you.”

He held the ball in his hands and lined up the shot. She could probably jump higher than him and she would most likely intercept his shot, but he wanted to give the jump shot a try, “I bet I could make you change your mind, about dating, or as you like to put it, distracting. How about if I win this, I get to take you out for dinner?”

…wait…did he just ask Gwyn out on a date…?

[Gwyn Locksley]

Gaston wasn’t the only one who was surprised when he managed to steal the ball from her mid dribble. When did he get so good at this? It wasn’t that he failed at everything as horrendously as Eddie, but he’d rarely managed to beat her at anything before. Either this really was his game and he had gotten lots of practice with it at home, like he had said, or she was slipping. Gwyn really hoped it was the former.

Of course he was distracting her with all his talk about challenges and dating.

“I am not afraid,” Gwyn replied, getting rather annoyed now. He really just wasn’t getting it. This was not what she considered a worthy challenge, nor something she wanted in her life right now, and she really wasn’t appreciating him pressuring her to change her lifestyle. He was one of the few people who was supposed to understand, but obviously more had changed about him in his time home than just his hair. “Why is this so important to you, anyway?”

Letting her frustration take over, she threw herself into the game, jumping higher than him and catching the ball from the air.

She knew people talked about her behind her back, some of them even jeered at her to her face. None of them got it, none of them could understand that what they found so bloody important she just didn’t care about at this point in her life. She didn’t want to care about it. She just wasn’t ready for that. But in a way she had caved, she had given in to the peer pressure and had found herself a ‘crush’. She had chosen someone who was kind, caring, and who always treated her well. He would stand up for her if she needed it, though it was usually the other way around. But most importantly, he was unavailable. Part of what made him so appealing was because she knew nothing would ever come of it, he would never feel anything for her other than friendship. In fact, she half expected he saw her more like a sister than anything.

Or, so she had thought until just this moment ago when he asked her out to dinner.

She had just been shooting the ball herself when this request came and her shot went wide. Way wide. She turned to Gaston with a look of pure confusion. “You want to take me to dinner?”

[Gaston Jr]

Gaston watched as the ball bounced along the floor after Gwyn’s failed shot at the basket before looking back at her. Well, that must have struck a nerve if it was enough to make her miss a shot. He couldn’t quite figure out in what way it had struck and at this particular moment he was contemplating the worst. She had already been annoyed before with all his persistent questions about her dating that right now she was probably considering how best to dispatch of him.

Or maybe she was horrified, disgusted, absolutely distraught that he had even thought that she may be even the slightest bit interested in sitting across a table, having a romantic meal with the likes of him. He had changed though, the clothes, the hair, but…in the end…its what his mum had said to him wasn’t it? He could change the outside but it wouldn’t change the person on the inside. She told him that maybe he shouldn’t try too, that maybe the person on the inside was the right person, the person he was supposed to be. Aw hell.

“Look Gwyn…I know I’m not…I’m not the kind of guy girls usually go for. I’m…a little too nerdy, a little too skinny and a little lacking in anything really. I’m not like…the guys back home,” he said walking towards her praying she wouldn’t run away, “I’m not a Knight, I’m not particularly good at anything physical and I know it seems like maybe out of all the guys you could be possibly be going to dinner with, I would probably be the last one you would choose. But…”

He took a deep breathe and smiled, “You’re…amazing. You’re smart, you’re witty, and you don’t role your eyes as much whenever I go on one of my nerdologues. And being away for a while made me think, you know…what if some other guy came and asked you when I was away, and I missed my chance and I never got to know if maybe…you would like to go out with me sometime…would you?”

[Gwyn Locksley]

As it turned out, Gwyn wasn’t feeling any of the things that Gaston suspected. She wasn’t annoyed, nor disgusted; she wasn’t angry nor distraught... okay, that wasn’t completely true. She actually was pretty distraught at the moment but not at the thought of dating him.

Okay, that wasn’t completely true either. She was pretty distraught at the idea of dating him, but not for the reasons he thought. For Gwyn, Gaston was supposed to be safe. He wasn’t the kind of guy girls went for, and he was the opposite of everything she thought she should want in a boy, but she liked him anyway. He was nerdy but kind, not particularly good at anything physical, but that didn’t mean he didn’t try. He understood her, he never tried to change her, and seemed to like her just as she was... or so she had thought. Now... now she didn’t know what to think.

Taking a step back when he took a step towards her, Gwyn could only stare at him with wide eyes as he started saying all the things that most girls dreamed of hearing... but then she had never been like most girls. She didn’t think about this sort of thing, she didn’t lie awake at night dreaming up scenarios or conversations where some boy shows up and sweeps her off her feet. No, on the contrary: Gwyn purposefully avoided thinking about things like that. She knew what she wanted in life, she had her goals. She didn’t bother much with friends or any relationships.

Basically it all really came down to one thing: she was terrified. She was strong, independent and self sufficient, and the very idea of letting someone get that close to her, the thought of depending on someone else, or being so caught up in them that her priorities changed... it all scared her. She was terrified of giving someone, anyone, that kind of control over her.

“Gaston, please, don’t do this,” she finally said, shaking her head and taking another step backwards. She probably could have brushed it all off, laughed it off as a joke, but she had never been a good liar, never seen the point of it. “You’re probably the best friend I have, and you’re wonderful, and... I don’t want to lose that and... I can’t...”

She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t stand here and talk to him about this after such an earnest speech. She didn’t do heart-to-hearts, she was always more into speaking from her head than her heart. She was abrupt, abrasive, honest, and right now she just couldn’t be any of those things, and without her direct nature to depend on she had no idea what to say. “You were never supposed to like me back.”

Turning quickly, she ran for the door.

[Gaston Jr]

Gaston’s stomach dropped at her words, at her expression, he had put everything on the line telling her how he felt, asking her to give him a chance and he had failed. She didn’t want to date him, he was disgusted that he had even dared to ask her. Of course, no girl would ever want to actually date him, he was a good friend, just like she was now saying. He was getting the ‘you’re such a good friend’ talk, well he should have expected it, they were such good friends, why would he want to ruin that. But of course she just wasn’t interested and was letting him down gently. The only thing that stopped him from being annoyed was that she actually looked so nervous about it, and shocked, he wanted to comfort more than be annoyed. Maybe that was just another sign that he really was a good friend.
 
Wait.
 
Did she just say you weren’t supposed to like me back?
 
But that would mean that she liked him first, or originally liked him or already liked him. That was better. That was a lot better.
 
He raced after her, faster than he had ever run in his life because boy could that girl run and only just managed to make it to the door before her, placing himself between her and the door. He tried to keep a serious expression but her final words had given him hope and he kept trying to fight against the smile that wanted to break free.
 
“Gwyn! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just…said all that, all at once. I just…the opportunity came up and I- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. Look we’re both smart enough that we wouldn’t let anything get in the way, and I really like you…we are really good friends…and…maybe…if you wanted too we could be something more…”
 
He couldn’t help it, he smiled and said, “besides, we still don’t know if I actually can take you out on a date. I haven’t won the game yet, or fair maidens hand.”

[Gwyn Locksley]

She should have ran faster, she could have ran faster, but already he was affecting her performance, distracting her, slowing her down. Almost running full tilt into Gaston when he blocked her exit, Gwyn skidded to a stop and jumped back a step to put distance between them. Her eyes were wide as she stated at him, caught somewhere between wanting to pummel him and push him out of her way and wanting to just sit down and cry. As crying wasn’t something she ever did, nor did she hardy even get the urge to do so, it only made her want to hit him harder. Somehow she managed to do neither and just let him talk, crossing her arms over her chest in a very defensive, stand-offish gesture while he spoke.

Why was he doing this to her? He goes home for a few months and when he comes back he has new hair and new clothes and a whole new personality... sort of. It was like he stepped out of one of those horrible ‘romantic comedies’ that her roommate always insisted on watching, full of cheesy yet sincere lines if spoken by the right guy. Well, he was the right guy but this just... it wasn’t the right time. Not for her, maybe never. She was only sixteen! Sure, her mother had been engaged even younger than that originally, and it was perfectly normal for her time, but that was hardly the point! When had Gwyn ever done what was normal for a girl of her age, station and time?

The worst part, though, was that Gaston wasn’t even taking this seriously! She was really upset here, and she did not like feeling pressured by someone who was supposed to be her friend, pressured into doing something he didn’t want to do, into being someone she wasn’t, and here he was smiling and joking about it!

“This may be all a joke to you, but it isn’t to me. This is who I am, and what you’re proposing is not what I want with anyone, I’m just not ready!” she said, trying really hard to get her point across this time. “I will not let you change me, Gaston, not you or anybody. Now please move out of my way.”

[Gaston Jr]

So as usual he had managed to grab the completely wrong end of the stick and perhaps her parting sentence from before hadn’t meant anything at all. The smile dropped immediately as did his posture and he was left feeling rather sick. Of course, she just really did not want to date him, she didn’t want to date anyone. He wasn’t sure how much of that was true, maybe she was just being nice, maybe she just liked someone else really, like Mordred, it was always bloody Mordred wasn’t it? Yup, that was more Gwyn’s type, the strong and moody and mysterious Mordred who was just so…interesting. Oh how he loathed that boy.
 
“Sorry,” he said meaning it, he didn’t want to upset her or make her do anything she didn’t want to do, “I uh…sorry. I’m not sure I can take anything seriously, when I get nervous or scared I just…you know…joke and…I actually have no control over it I’m sorry, it’s like some kind of defence mechanism. Faced with a potentially embarrassing and scary situation, make a joke. Sorry.”
 
He looked down at the ground, “I don’t want to change you. I…I like you just the way you are. Sorry.”

[Gwyn Locksley]

He was ruining everything! Gwyn practically had her entire life here planned, and this did not fit the plan at all! Still, despite her hurt, fear and annoyance, she felt herself softening. Letting out a deep sigh, her shoulders slumped.

It was not supposed to be this way. He was never supposed to say these things, not to her.

“I’m sorry, Gaston,” she said quietly, dropping her arms to her side, her defensive stance vanishing. “All my life people have been trying to change me and make me into someone I’m not, and her especially so. You think I don’t hear how they talk about me? Why don’t I wear dresses or do my hair or make-up or talk about boys or go out on dates? They all think I’m weird, or scary or that I like girls. They say terrible things about me, and none of them understand that I just don’t like these things or want them in my life right now. Dresses are impractical, make-up is time consuming and pointless, and romance is a distraction, something I’m just not interested in right now. I know what I want from my life, and I won’t let anything get in my way. I know who I am, and I don’t care how cruel everyone is, I don’t care what they say about me, I won’t change just so other people will like me.”

Gwyn had always been a fan of being blunt and honest, but it was rarely about anything important or personal. Usually she just pretended that she didn’t know what people thought of her, which was slightly easier than pretending she didn’t care. And while she was certainly doing that well, this was still probably the most honest she had been to someone else about herself in a very long time.

[Gaston Jr]

Gaston had known her for quite a while but never had she opened up to him like this, never had she revealed so much about the way she thought the way he felt. He couldn’t believe how much she had been carrying about with her, all bottled up and he was kicking himself for not asking her about these things sooner. He knew what people said, but he never thought it bothered her, when he looked at her it didn’t seem too, she was just…impenetrable, like she had some kind of invisible shield that everyone’s comments and snide remarks just bounced off. Apparently such things only existed in science fiction.

“I never want you to change,” he said in all seriousness, “I mean it when I say I like you just the way you are. And it doesn’t matter what anyone else says because you are amazing, just as you. You’re like…like one of the Amazons, you know? Like Wonder Woman, you are Wonder woman. Strong, and beautiful and a fighter and who doesn’t quite fit in with the useless human society but is something so much more than any of them. And if I ever hear them talking like that about you then I’ll…I’ll…be very cross and…I’ll go get Tristian to teach them a lesson.”

For Gaston that was the biggest thing he could ever offer to do, short of going to Mordred. He never went to his brother for anything and attempted to conceal most things from him. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for his brother, he did, but it just made him feel even worse whenever Tristian stepped in to help him. He smiled at her and said, “And if you’re not ready for any kind of romance then that’ fine too. I can wait. And even if you do decided one day that you would quite like to try it but, not with me, then that’s fine too. You’re a great friend…and nothing will change that, no matter how you feel."

[Gwyn Locksley]

While Gaston spoke, Gwyn stayed silent. He had listened to her without interruption and she owed him the same courtesy... not that she could have interrupted even if she had wanted to. His words were just so Gaston and so utterly perfect. Only he could compare her to a fictional super heroine and yet pick the best qualities and make the analogy work so well.

She chuckled a bit when he threatened to sic Tristian on anyone who spoke bad about her, but it was short and a bit forced sounding even if it was genuine. It was hard to laugh when all she really felt like doing was crying. She could feel that unfamiliar tightness in her chest, the stinging in her eyes as they threatened to water. These were not things she was used to: Gwyn Locksley did not cry.

Gaston wasn’t finished, though; oh no, he had more to say, and when he said he would wait for her it just about undid her right there. What was she doing? Here was this wonderful boy who clearly cared about her, and who she cared dearly for, saying the sweetest words anyone had ever said to her and asking to be with her and she was turning him down. Was she crazy? She wasn’t sure there was anyone who would say she wasn’t.

Part of her wanted to give in, to say she would give them a chance, maybe even kiss him; a real kiss, not the product of a bet the stupid boys back home made. For the first time in a long time, maybe in her whole life, she was doubting herself. She was doubting her dreams and her goals and her determination. And for the first time she was finding something in herself that she disliked, this overwhelming fear that was keeping her from giving in. She was not supposed to be afraid of anything, but she would rather face a dozen swords than truly put her heart on the line. She had never faced that part of herself before, had never realised it had existed, and now she knew it was there and she hated it. And she hated that she hated it.

“I don’t know what to say,” she finally said, and she really didn’t. Her eyes were shining a bit with unshed tears, so she tried to keep them open wide to keep the tears from falling. “Can we finish this another time?” she asked, gesturing over her shoulder to the basketball net, but she could have just as easily been talking about the conversation.

[Gaston Jr]

Gaston nodded his head, not knowing what she was asking was a good thing or a bad thing, or to what she was really referring too. Most likely the conversation, judging by the look on her face, it wasn’t a particularly good one, or possibly the game, maybe she did wanted to talk to him some more. Or…perhaps she just didn’t want to be in his company any longer, she looked so upset, and he had done that. There was a horrible queasy feeling in his stomach as that thought crept up on him. He had done this, he was causing her this pain all because of his stupid mouth that couldn’t just stay shut. Which…wasn’t going to make it any better any time soon.
 
When faced with awkward situation Gaston Junior decided that humour was always the best policy, and more often than not…it only got him into worse trouble.
 
“Yeah, sure, of course,” he said and smiled a little awkwardly and motioned back to the court, “I mean, it’s probably a good idea we quit while it’s a draw. I don’t know if my ego could take your victory dance if you won and, if I’m being honest, no one ever wants to see my victory dance. I mean, it’s bad. It’s like…”
 
Deciding that words couldn’t describe how awful this dance was he began to throw his arms out in front of him in a circle motion whilst side stepping to the left and repeating the right, swinging his hips from side to side as well. He looked up at her, now grinning, hoping that the ridiculous sight would make her a little happier.

[Gwyn Locksley]

He was smiling. Smiling was good, right? It meant he wasn’t going to keep pushing, that he was going to just let it drop and let her leave and he wasn’t going to be upset about it.

Or he was going to make a joke. The one thing Gwyn did not want right now was more jokes. Well, one of the things. Actually, there were a lot of things she didn’t want right now, and really only one thing she did want: she wanted to leave. She wanted to walk away and be by herself for a bit.

And there came the joke, and she was relieved that it wasn’t too bad. He wasn’t joking about her being a coward, he was actually agreeing they could end the game and... then he was dancing.

Now Gwyn was feeling pretty terrible. She was confused, she was angry, she was doubting herself and hating herself and a lot of other horrible things... but even she couldn’t help but laugh a little at Gaston’s dancing, even if it was a bit strained. Smiling faintly, she shook her head at him. “You’re right. Nobody needs to see that,” she said. Walking past him, she stopped and glanced back over her shoulder, not turning back around.

“Welcome back, Gaston,” Gwyn said in an uncharacteristically quiet tone. Taking another step she hesitated a moment. This time she kept her eyes forward, on the door, and didn’t dare look back at him. “ I did miss you.”

And she was gone.

((Wanna wrap this one up?))