Somebody That I Used to Know (Snow White)

[Deleted]

Despite everything they had been through it hurt to see him this way. Maybe she no longer loved him, but that didn’t mean she didn’t care for him at all. He had saved her life, and that was not something one easily forgot. He had fathered her children, and there were some good memories from the beginning of their marriage. Just because she no longer wished to be his wife that didn’t mean she hated him; she could never hate him nor wish him ill, no matter how she acted toward him.

She wished she knew how to comfort him, but those times had passed. What could she, of all people, say to make anything better? It was clear he was more than unhappy, and that he cursed the fate she had brought upon him, but what could she say that would not make things worse?

“I am so sorry, Edward.” What else was there to say? Lowering her head, she let her raven hair fall to hide her face.

[Deleted]

He made a mistake.

Edward turned to look at her and all at once his demeanour changed. How could he let her look this way? How could he hurt her in this way? How could he stand there emotionless while she stood there like that. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t and he moved towards her with the full intention of sweeping her into his arms and telling her everything was going to be alright, that it was all ok.

He stopped himself just in time, just inches away from her, his hands raised but moving no further to wrap them around her. Instead, he gently took her hand in both of his and said, “You…you could make it better…you…could come home…”

[Deleted]

Snow’s body grew tense as he approached, unsure what he intended, but she was determined to not back away, to not even turn away. She steeled herself for an embrace she didn’t know how to feel about, part of her wanting to shy away while another part wanted to welcome it. It had been a long time since she had felt the comfort of another’s arms, and she remembered how these very arms had once been her salvation. Closing her eyes, she was both relieved and a little disappointed when he took her hand instead.

Then he spoke the words she had expected since discovering him here, the words she had dreaded.

“How would that be better?” she asked, looking at their entwined hands. Perhaps it would be better for him, he could reclaim his birthright and set things back on the correct path, but would it be better for anyone personally? She would still be unhappy and would make everyone around her the same.

You could try harder, a traitorous voice urged, but she had tried for years, was that not enough? Did you really? Beyond the first few years did you really try at all?

[Deleted]

The question alone tore another whole in his heart. Shouldn’t she know why? Couldn’t she see? Why couldn’t she see? Why couldn’t she know?

“We would be together, as we should be,” he said a little nervously, “and the children…they miss their mother, they miss you…”

He remembered the harsh words he had exchanged with Evelyn the governess before she had convinced him to come here. The children missed their parents, not just their mother, he was no father to them while he was there, he was in a way just as bad as she, worse even as he was not miles away. He could have held them in his arms for longer. He could have cared for them. He could have shown them the love and devotion that they needed.

“I…I miss you…”

[Deleted]

The words tore at her heart, flooding her with guilt and longing and anger. If he wasn't such a good man she would accuse him of trying to manipulate her as that was certainly how she was feeling, whatever his intentions. Pulling her hands from his grasp she turned her back and took a step away from him.

"You miss who I was, who you want me to be," she said. "And the children do not miss me. They barely remember me anymore, Henry told me as much. Evelyn is more their mother than I ever was."

It hurt to say it but it was a harsh truth they both had to face. The hardest part was that she missed him too; she missed how they had been in the beginning, so innocent and in love, before reality and responsibilities had ended the fairytale.

[Deleted]

“I don’t want you to be anyone other than yourself,” he said allowing a little of the anger he had been feeling to edge in to his voice, he wasn’t losing her now, “there is still time to make this right.”
 
Running a hand through his hair, at a loss for what to do, anything to stop him from grabbing her again. “Henry knows nothing,” he said, exasperated, “he’s been learning how to rule a country, he is about as knowledgeable of what is going in my home as you are.”
 
It was a dig, it was a horrible nasty dig but he was tired of tip toeing around it. He wanted her to come home, he was angry, he was hurt and he just wanted her to come back, to make it right. He would do anything to get her there. “Of course they remember you, how could they miss you if they did not remember you. Evelyn talks about you all the time, so they do not forget, she is the only thing keeping us together!”
 
Looking down at the ground he continued, “I don’t know what I would have done without her these past few months…”

[Deleted]

Why couldn’t he drop it? Why couldn’t he just leave her be? Why did he have to come here and throw all her failures and faults back at her? She hated him for it, for showing up here and destroying the new life she was trying to build. This had been her haven, a place to rediscover who she was and what she wanted, but first her Stepmother had to return from the dead and fuin her semblance of safety, and now this. She was being overwhelmed by her emotions; anger and hurt, guilt and, in the end, a little jealousy.

“Then why don’t you go back and marry her instead?” Snow yelled suddenly, unable to contain herself any longer. Striding away from him, needing to put space between them, she stopped at the other side of the room, running her hands back through her raven locks.

“How am I supposed to be myself when I don’t know who I am anymore?” she asked aloud. “How can I be who I want to be when I don’t know what I want?”

[Deleted]

“How can you say that?” said Edward, his anger growing, “You must know! You must know how much I…how much I…”

Could he say it? Right now? Could he make that word pass his lips?

“You must know how much I care about you,” he finished, lamely, “I could never, never think of anyone but you. I‘ve given you time Snow, I‘ve given you a lot of time and a lot of space to figure out what you want.”

What she was saying was slowly beginning to dawn on him, something that had been haunting him ever since she left… “You don’t know…do you? You don’t know if you want…me…”

[Deleted]

She didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to hear his lies. For a brief moment she was grateful that Edward didn’t say ‘love’, but it wasn’t enough when he claimed to think of no other. She believed he cared for her, as a part of her would always care for him. They had shared things that could never be taken away, but they were in the past now, just pleasant memories to look back on. Of course he would want her back, the key to his old life and his eventual claiming of the thrown. It was love she no longer believed. She no longer believed he loved her any more than she believed in love itself anymore. Love was a fantasy, a fairytale, that everyone had to eventually grow up and face the falsities of.

“Edward...” Snow said slowly, trying to calm her anger, trying to settle her nerves. The problem was that she did know, at least she thought she did, but what she didn’t know was how to tell him. Keeping her back to him she shook her head. “No, I don’t,” she answered as simply as she could. All she wanted was to be happy and to find herself again. It didn’t sound like much to ask, but it was clearly more than she could achieve.

[Deleted]

And that was it. She didn’t want him.

No. She didn’t know if she wanted him. However that was just as good as saying that she didn’t. The woman he loved didn’t know if she loved him anymore, if she could even be with him as a companion anymore. Was there someone else? Here in this place? Had she already found someone she could love? Who was he?

His mind was racing, but there was no anger, just a cold emptiness.

Nodding he took a couple of steps back. Motioning with one hand to the planks of wood and his tools he said, “I’ll be back later to finish that. Just send a note down when you are finished in here and I will come back when you are…” not here, “less busy.”

[Deleted]

It was not what he had wanted to hear, anyone could tell that, but even with her back to him Snow knew she had hurt him. Whatever his feelings and intentions, nobody wanted to hear that they were no longer wanted.

She opened her mouth to say something, but the words ”I’m sorry” were the first to her lips and she quickly bit them back. She had already said them and to repeat them now would do nothing to salve his wounds. Instead she just nodded her head. So this was how it would be between them now? They would do their best to avoid each other and try to live their new separate lives? How long until Edward gave up and returned home? How long until Snow found what she was looking for? Would she ever wish to return to her children? So many questions, but no answers to be had, not now, not yet.

“Thank you,” was what she finally settled on for a reply.

[Deleted]

Edward nodded his head and returning to where he had left his box of tools lifted them. It was best to leave now, leave now or he would give in, he would drop to his knees and beg. He could not do that, his kingdom already thought him to be weak, his children knew just how far that weakness went, was he to show it Snow as well. No, he could leave this place, this whole thing with just a little bit of dignity.

Pausing in the door way, he turned back to look at her, just one last look before walked out.

“As soon as I am able, I will return home, to my children,” said Edward before stepping out of the classroom and down the hall.

[Deleted]

Snow stayed quiet an unmoving as he gathered his things, and it wasn’t until he spoke that she showed any sign of acknowledgment: she flinched. ‘My children’. His words were designed as one last parting shot, she was sure of it, but she could hardly get indignant and rage against them. They were the truth, she knew that better than anyone.

When the door closed behind him she moved for her desk and lowered herself into the chair. Propping her elbows on the desktop she buried her face in her hands and tried to breathe deeply, tried not to cry.

Despite her cold exterior her heart was not made of ice.