Jumping Horn Toads (Merlin)

[Arthur]

He wasn’t sure when it happened, all he knew was that it did and that it wasn’t as terrifying as he thought it might have been. In fact he was rather forced to admit that it was in fact quite fun, something else he hadn’t of. Oh sure it had been fun in the past, but this…to put it simply, she was currently one of the few things keeping him sane, and that was enough.

Oh they had his blasted father interfering, putting his nose in where it didn’t belong but then that was to be expected…eventually. He knew that also had to happen eventually, the whole marriage thing, and really, he was getting beyond the age where it was acceptable, by rights he probably should have been at least betrothed a few years ago. Despite an initially denial and rejection, and after a few choice sharp words from his future wife he realised that it wasn’t quite the end of the world, and that potentially could be more beneficial. And she wasn’t all bad, not really.

Which was why he currently found himself heading up to the flat she currently shared with Merlin, with a bag of DVD’s and an assortment of snacks and drinks. He had informed her that it was an utter travesty she hadn’t seen the latest in Vampire television and demanded she drag herself away from that ‘Supernatural’ abomination to partake in some real action. He had received a slap for that, but then she was most uncommonly attached the to the two stupid brothers in the series that didn’t have enough vampires or young blondes in it for his liking.

In any case, he had become so familiar with this routine, coming round to her flat, that he simply let himself in, knowing they didn’t always leave the door locked only to be confronted by an owl currently perched on the back of the sofa. He cautiously walked towards it, frowning, since when did they get a bird? The last time he had spoken to Gwen she said she was thinking of getting a cat, was the bird for the cat? He wasn’t sure how close to it he wanted to get without at least some dead thing to bribe it with. It looked like a bad tempered thing, sporting a rather grumpy frown, it’s yellow eyes looking at him in a most disapproving manner.

“Hello there,” he said stopping before he got any closer to it, “now where did you come from?”

[Merlin Emrys]

Merlin had done a bad thing. Well, ok, maybe not that bad, it wasn't like it hurt anybody really, and actually at least one person had been quite pleased with the arrangement - that person hadn't turned out to be Merlin, but the young wizard couldn't deny that it sometimes turned out useful, and he was geting used to it.

He had yet to tell anyone else.
Unfortunately, when Arthur came strolling into the living room and starting talking to Archimedes, Merlin's mistake was about to get revealed.

See, he'd just been experimenting, it had been a spell that he'd found interesting and wanted to try, and now he somehow found he couldn't reverse it, and Archimedes would most likely be disgruntled with that turn of events - not that he was ever not disgruntled - so it was just sort of stuck that way.

"What? Who? Well I came from the pet shop I suppose, if you want the simple answer" Replied the owl.

[Arthur]

Arthur took a lot of steps back and ended up falling over a small coffee table, landing on his back, all the time looking at the Owl. The Owl that spoke, the owl that was still giving him the most disapproving look. He blinked a couple of times, his jaw almost at his chest and then quickly got to his feet, reaching to his left side. However, it wasn’t really customary to walk around carrying a sword and he hadn’t really been expecting to be fighting anything or anyone. That and his sword really didn’t go with those jeans.

Instead he held out his hand, simply pointing at the creature and said in a hushed voice, “magic!”

Which sounded ridiculous the moment he said it because of course it was magic. Owls just didn’t talk all by themselves…right? It had to be magic and Merlin lived here and he did magic and he had to remind himself that not all magic was bad. In fact most magic was quite good and helpful, it was only sometimes that it was bad. Although he thought making owls speak was probably an improper use of magic, but it wasn’t evil. Arthur hadn’t completely come round to Merlin’s way of thinking, that it wasn’t magic that was evil, but people. Sort of in the way it wasn’t guns that made people evil it was the people holding them and using them to hurt others unjustly. Arthur didn’t think it was the same, that amount of power in one’s hands, a sword, a gun, magic…that much power could corrupt. Luckily he figured Merlin was too stupid to ever realise how powerful magic could make him and so wouldn’t be, besides he was too nice. Sarcastic, an idiot and full of comebacks, but he wasn’t evil. Except when he didn’t wash his socks…that was just plain mean.

He slowly walked towards the bird and asked, “The pet shop…have you…always been able to talk?”

[Merlin Emrys]

The owl, despite not having the variety of facial flexibility that humans had, nevertheless managed to give Arthur the most incredibly disparaging look it was possible for one being to give another.

"Of course magic, you dolt, what else?" he said witheringly, ruffling his feathers in annoyance. At least the boy seemed to get a handle on himself after a while and ask a marginally more sensible question - unfortunately, Merlin apparently had the ability to seek out the most sarcastic and bad tempered of acquaintances, so the question was met with a similar amount of scorn.

"Of course. If you mean have I always been able to speak so a human could understand, no, that is quite new."

"Who are you?" He added suspiciously. Merlin had shooed him out the room, and he wondered if it was, of all the indignities, to act as a sort of guard dog. Well, he would do no such thing.

[Arthur]

He was being called a dolt, by an owl. It was bad enough that Merlin insisted in calling him a Prat, despite being a well respected and wonderful prince, but now he was being insulted by an owl. All things considered this was Merlin’s owl and so naturally the boy was probably teaching it to insult Arthur, just for when the idiot couldn’t be around to do it himself. Maybe that’s why it could speak now, the whole reason for the enchantment, so Merlin could sit back and relax while the owl handled all the insults. Well that was just lazy...and a completely ridiculous thought, of course Merlin wasn’t teaching an owl purely on the basis that he wanted to insult Arthur.

Of course the stupid feathered thing was now continuing to speak and demanding to know who he was. It really did have the most disgruntled expression for a bird, how could it even do that? Must be the magic. What would have possessed Merlin to attain such a bad tempered thing? Not only in expression but it was definitely a lot more grumpy when it spoke, who could put up with that.

Arthur, matched it’s glare and brought himself up to his full height, folding his arms in front of him, “I am Prince Arthur Pendragon of Camelot. And who are-I cant believe I’m introducing myself to a talking bird. This is ridiculous! Where is that idiot?!”

[Merlin Emrys]

It was a good job that Arthur declared his introduction ridiculous and wasn't, instead, expecting it to impress Archimedes, because if the look on the owl's face was to judge, it had done anything but.

Grumbling to himself about what sounded like pinfeathers and gullyfluff, Archimedes ruffled his feathers in a disgruntled fashion and waved his wing towards the door to Merlin's room.

"At least we are agreed on something," He stated grumpily (well, it was hard to tell if the tone was actually grumpy, since it was his default) "The idiot is in there."

He neglected to mention that he'd been thrown out, because whatever Merlin was up to he deserved to be interrupted for making Archimedes suffer the indignity of actually being thrown out.

[Arthur]

Well if that comment didn’t just aggravate him, he paused in his walking towards bedroom door and turned back to look at the bird. Folding his arms he crossed back over to it and said, “Lets just get one thing straight here grumpy. Merlin may be an idiot but he’s my idiot, and I’m the only one that gets to call him as much. You should be so lucky that he took such a bad tempered thing when I’m sure there were lots of sweet natured pets he could have chosen from. But that’s Merlin for you, more compassion than sense. And-…stop making me talk to you! This is so stupid! Now I’m lecturing a bird this is! UGH!”
 
Storming over to Merlin’s bedroom door and without knocking he flung said door open and walked into the room, “Merlin! Why in the name of the mother did you make that blasted thing taaaaaaa…..”
 
Arthur stopped in his rant as he finally noticed his manservant in front of him.
 
He blinked.
 
He blinked again.
 
He still couldn’t make sense of it. It was just…it was…weird?...Strange?....something else entirely that he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to put a name too… He just stood and stared for a moment until finally and rather unluckily for Merlin, he regained his speech, “….Merlin….” he closed his eyes, “what the bloody hell are you wearing?”

[Merlin Emrys]

Archimedes didn't reply, he just looked sort of smug and disgruntled at the same time, which was a truly impressive feat on a face that wasn't designed for those sorts of emotions in the first place, and yet he managed it. Smug at Arthur's irritation, but somewhat disgruntled that he was being dismissed just for being a bird. He was tempted to call the prince speciesist, but he'd already stormed off to 'his' idiot's room.

Said idiot had sent the bird outside for a reason, a very good one. He couldn't bear to endure the taunting he knew he'd get from Archimedes for the outfit he was trying on - even though he knew that eventually, if Gwen got her way, more worrying people than archimedes were going to see it. He didn't even know how she'd managed to talk him into trying it on, but she was convinced the whole ridiculous costume idea was a wonderful one.

And then it happened.

In he came, barging in like he owned the place. Well, it served him right for the image he was faced with - only Merlin wasn't quite ready to think that thought, wasn't quite ready to think any thought that wasn't a horrified expletive, and despite the fact he desperately wanted to cover himself up, to remove that image from Arthur's sight, he found he was completely and utterly frozen.

How the hell did he deal with this? He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, then finally managed to make his arms work, only all he could think to do was to try and tug the offending thing off, which ended up with him half-naked and falling over himself, literally, to end up sprawled across the floor. There was nothing for it, he managed to yelp out a frantic spell that caused the offending clothing to disappear entirely before grabbing his jeans and yanking them on.

It left him breathless, flushed and standing in front of the love of his life in nothing but a pair of jeans, his hair stuck up at all angles from his struggle.

"....It was Gwen's fault." he finally managed to stammer out, but he was fairly certain that all the explanation in the world wasn't going to undo the damage, he had no idea what was going to happen now, but there was no going back. Arthur had officially walked in on him dressed in quite possibly the most embarrassing thing it was ever possible for him to have been wearing.

A french maid dress.

[Arthur]

There was a lot of fumbling about as far as he could tell and he cracked open one eye just in time to see Merlin tumbling to the floor and saying something in a rather odd language, causing the outfit to entirely disappear. Arthur was about to say that was much better until he realised that he was now looking at a completely naked Merlin who was reaching for his jeans. He closed his eyes again and began thinking about…about…anything other than what he had just seen. Thinking about war, and blood, and badly cooked muffins. Yes horrible, horrible things.

When Merlin blurted out his excuse Arthur could almost believe him. Gwen could get a man to do anything…he wasn’t sure that was a good thing or a bad thing. It was great when it worked on his father, not so good when it was turned on him or Merlin. Robin Locksley had fallen prey to it as well, something that was never, never good. With his eyes still firmly shut he said, “That may be so but still! There are limits Merlin. You don’t have to do everything she says, you only give in to the small things so you can get away with not doing the big things! Like putting on…on…what the hell are you ever going to need an outfit like that for anyway?! It’s just…you should burn it, burn it now. Yes.”

He made the mistake of opening his eyes and looking at the Merlin that was in front of him now. A half naked Merlin which he would have thought was a bit better, although the mussed up hair and the jeans and the…blood, war, badly cooked Muffins, Gaston doing ballet in tights and a tutu, his father kissing a troll, Morgana giving birth, Firefly being cancelled!

Arthur closed his eyes and turned away this time, running his hands over his face before pointing back at Merlin and saying angrily, “Get dressed now! I mean completely dressed! You know with a shirt and socks, socks are important! And fix that damned mop you call hair!”

He stormed out of Merlin’s room and into the living room, glaring at the bird still perched on the couch, “…I hate you.”

[Merlin Emrys]

Perhaps it was because he was so utterly mortified that he felt compelled to defend himself, or perhaps it was because Arthur's reaction seemed to be anger, because as far as Merlin was concerned, the prince had absolutely no right to be angry at him and yelling at him about getting dressed, in his own house.
So his own anger flared and, perhaps unwisely, he stormed out of his room right after Arthur without even pausing to pull on a t-shirt.

"Don't start ordering me about, just because I work for you doesn't mean you control every little thing I do, and it's your own fault for walking in without knocking. This is my house, Arthur, I pay rent to be here," granted not as much as he should, with Gwen hardly wanting to take any of his money, but he'd insisted. "And much as you might think you own the place, you don't, and you don't own me!"

It was always such a tricky distinction, being Arthur's manservant was pretty much a full-time, 24/7 job, and working out the line between boss and friend had been difficult enough, but Merlin was fairly certain he was entitled to take issue when Arthur barged into his room and started barking orders. Just because he'd seen... that...

All of a sudden, Merlin's anger deflated and he stopped, there in the living room with nothing but his jeans on, and closed his eyes, wishing the ground would just swallow him up, or that he could rewind time.

For once, Archimedes was being helpfully silent, though he was glaring away at Arthur.

[Arthur]

Oh no.
 
Arthur closed his eyes again and didn’t turn around.
 
They were going to have another argument, and it wasn’t even going to be one of the easy ones, why was it never one of the easy ones? Like Gaston; Troy Bolton vs Edward Cullen, obvious answer there, no way would a basketball and a pretty voice ever stand up against the sparkling awesome vampire, or Gwen; Clearly a show about a bubbly blonde killing witty vampires was much better than some angst ridden pair of brothers whose voices apparently got lower every season. An easy argument, why couldn’t they just sit down and have a nice debate about…about…socks! Or something… No, it had to be the, ‘you don’t own me’ one. Well at least it was a bit better than the ‘no more secrets, oh wait, yeah there is’ one.
 
“I always come in without knocking! And you’re one to talk, you do it too,” he said not arguing with as much gusto as he usually did, his mind was still on other things, “it’s what we do, it doesn’t matter if I own you or not it’s what we do! We invade each others private space all the time, because there is no private space, you’re my servant and my friend. And I order you about all the time, as a friend as well, it’s what I do. And you just stand there and roll your eyes and even though I’m not looking at you right now I know you’re doing it now, and then you’ll come back with some amazingly scathing and witty comment, then I wont know what to say and just give you another order or clip your round the back of the head or something and that’ll be the end of it.”
 
There. Now he had calmed himself down. Ranting always tended to help that. Taking a deep breathe and smirking a little he turned to face Merlin, “now why don’t we pretend that that never happened and-“ and saw that he hadn’t done as he was told and got dressed.
 
He looked at Merlin’s face when he realised he had been looking at Merlin’s bare chest, the smirk disappeared and he frowned instead, “Really, really, you couldn’t even have put on a t-shirt or something, really?! Well fine then, that’s just fine then.”
 
He closed his eyes, “And actually as far as I’m aware this is Gwen’s house and if my father gets his way then in a couple of months time I’ll own at least half of it, and I’ll make sure the bit that’s ‘your’s’ is in my half.”
 
The frown disappeared rapidly to be replaced with the shocked, ‘oh I did not just say that am I’m such an arrogant idiot, why did I say that?!’ look.
 
Apparently they were going to have the ‘no more secrets, oh wait, yeah there is’ one.

[Merlin Emrys]

Despite being a long, angry rant, it actually made Merlin feel...well, strangely better about the situation. It wasn't often that Arthur actually spoke about his feelings, not that he was really doing so right now, but he was still doing more than just getting on with things - what he was saying let Merlin know a lot more than he ever had before about how Arthur actually viewed their relationship, about what he expected. It made it a lot easier for Merlin to stop second-guessing every move he made.

Then, of course, Merlin just had to have stormed out without getting dressed and all of Arthur's anger was about to come flooding back, until he made a stupid mistake of his own and, there, now they were going to have to talk about that.
Merlin was wondering when Arthur was going to tell him, wondering if he was going to tell him at all, or if that had been Gwen's 'job'.

"The only way you'll end up owning half of anything of Gwen's is if she gets to own half of everything of yours." He pointed out, an attempt at a levity he didn't feel.

[Arthur]

“Well she already seems to have such a large share in you, why not let her have everything else that‘s mine,” he said before he could stop himself.

He opened his eyes and looked at the floor, right now it was the safest place. His fists were clenching and unclenching, and every muscle in his body was tensing, one way or another he was going to make a move and to do what he didn’t know. He needed to calm down, really, he needed to think of nice calming thoughts. Swimming, sun bathing, massage, hugs, cheeseburgers, kisses, light touches-these thoughts were not calming!

“I mean you spend more time with her anyway, which is just so bloody obvious because I mean look at you. You never did this back home, this is something she‘s done,” he said, the words just coming out without any kind of censoring, and also still without looking at him.

Never mind that in the past few weeks he had spent more time with Gwen than Merlin, it didn’t matter, they still spent enough time together that he was jealous. Jealous?! Why the hell was he jealous?! No, no him and Gwen had been doing much more than Merlin and Gwen, but it didn’t matter, it was still annoying and made him angry and he was frustrated that he was angry and anger leads to hate and hate leads to fear and something something leads to the dark side and-

“Argh!”

He looked up at Merlin.

Merlin. Standing there with his bare chest, and his tousled hair. Skinny, pale, big eared Merlin.

Really? Really?! This one here, this is what was driving him insane?! There was something seriously wrong with him. But did he care?

No.

He took a few steps towards Merlin, determination set in his face, raised his hands and pushed him back firmly so that he smacked against the wall and…

Stopped.

No. no, no, no, no, no, this was not the answer.

He stepped back.

He closed his eyes.

He pointed towards Merlin’s room and through gritted teeth said, “get in there and change. Now. Before I really lose it.”

[Merlin Emrys]

Every time the stupid arrogant prat claimed any sort of ownership over Merlin, it made him.... practically weak at the knees, and gave him a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach that he didn't like to analyse too closely, and tried vainly to push aside whenever it came up.
Hopelessly in love or not, it just didn't do to let Arthur have his way just because Merlin's body didn't seem to realise how inappropriate its reactions were.

He was trying to work out the best way to both quash those tingly feelings and answer Arthur in a way that asserted his position but didn't cause any more arguments when he suddenly found himself being shoved up against a wall, and any attempts at solving his little problem went flying out the window, because dear gods that one action went straight to a part of his anatomy that had nothing to do with mr brain.

It almost looked like he was... no, of course he wasn't, Arthur was just being, well, Arthur, stupid and angry and annoying and too fucking handsome for his own damn good.
Unfortunately, when that command came, yet again, to get changed, Merlin had to obey it - he just had to, there was no way he could continue to stand there.
Stalking across to his room, he marched in and slammed the door shut behind him, too worked up to even get annoyed at himself for such childish action.
As soon as he was inside, he leant against the wall and sunk to the floor, running his hands through his hair and groaning quietly to himself.

It just wasn't fair, the great blonde lump had no idea at all just what he did to Merlin, and it wasn't like Merlin could do anything about it because it wasn't Arthur's fault he had to go and fall in love with him.

The prat.

[Arthur]

Good. He was gone. Good.
 
He didn’t even watch him leave, he couldn’t but he was gone now. Good.
 
Time to calm down.
 
Bathroom.
 
He stormed over to the bathroom and slammed the door shut just as Merlin had done, hoping the boy was finally doing what he asked and getting changed. That thought wasn’t as comforting as it should be; the way he looked at him, that final order and the expression on his face, it was…
 
He turned the cold tap on and splashed some water of his face. What was he thinking?! No. No, no, no, no, no. This was bad, this was really bad. He could almost live with everything else, almost; the way Merlin smiled, the way he worried that something was going to happen to him, the way the spoke to each other, sometimes it was less like friends and more like… He could almost live with the fact that he may be in love…but not this…
 
The water wasn’t helping.
 
He turned the tap off and leaned over the sink
 
Slowly he made his way back out into the living room and looked at Merlin’s door. He walked towards it and leaning against the door frame he knocked lightly.
 
“Merlin…I’m sorry.”